relationDips: triple cheese spicy vegorama

With apologies to Dominos, whose pizzas I enjoy periodically, I present the histories of vegetarianism, pizza and vegetarian pizzas. I will then explain how all three are intricately connected with, and reflected in, our relationships.

It seems the earliest record of vegetarianism, which is the choice to not eat meat, is in the writings of ancient India. Unless you read another article which says it was Pythagoras, the great Greek mathematician; he of the famous theorem we all studied in high school. It does seem clear though from the Biblical record that Adam and Eve were vegetarians. Next level vegetarianism is veganism, under which philosophy, practitioners do not eat or use animal products.  The term veganism is a 20th century construct, but this extreme form of vegetarianism, appears to have originated around the same time, in the same cultures. 

Of course in Western societies, with their focus on the individual, vegetarianism has mostly been a choice; either a health choice or an ethical choice, or both. In eastern cultures, so bound with the religious beliefs of Hinduism and its offspring, Buddhism, and very much collectivist societies, such choices have not been, and are still not available.

Pizza was also born in ancient times, although the first use of the word only dates back to first century Gaeta, now contained in the modern nation state of Italy. While ancient Egyptians, Romans and Greeks ate various flatbreads with toppings, the pizza, as we know it today is said to have been created in Naples, in the late 18th century. 

You can travel to almost any country in the world and find some version of pizza, including vegetarian pizzas like one of my favourites, that I mentioned in the title of this post. However, it is only recently, over the last 10-15 years, that major western pizza chains like Pizza Hut and Dominos have begun offering vegetarian pizzas.

Also dating back to ancient, even pre-historic times, are relationships, and it is here that I wish to sharpen the reader's focus.

The issue of eating animal products, or not, can be an issue in relationships, but it generally isn't. Of all the problems and disagreements a couple will face, food has rarely directly caused a relationship breakdown. Eating maybe, but not food itself.

Perhaps because it is so vital, the question of what is eaten by who and where and when, seems to be an aspect of relationships in which compromise is relatively easy. As part of her Catholic practice, my wife chooses not to eat meat on Fridays. Although this prohibition is not a part of my religious practice, it has been an easy thing for me to simply not eat meat on Fridays. It's a simple way for me to demonstrate respect for her. She doesn't eat chicken because she doesn't like it, but she cooks it for the rest of the family, because we do.

If vegetarianism was a big deal for a particular person, it would certainly come up in the early stages of a relationship, and be dealt with. Post marriage or post relationship commencement vegetarianism might present more of a challenge, but as I said, it is highly unlikely to destroy the relationship.

What can we learn from all this? Pizza is good, choice is good, and compromise is not only good, but is also an indispensable ingredient for healthy relationships. Meat, on the other hand, is not an indispensable ingredient for a great tasting pizza.

The Mirror: The Orville

I love Star Trek. I've spent the last number of months (can't remember how many-maybe more than a year) working my way through nine seasons of Voyager and then seven seasons of Deep Space Nine. Now I'm waiting for season two of Discovery which Netflix has been promising for two months. What's a sci fi fan to do in the interim? Find another show to watch.

I accidentally discovered The Orville while watching season five of Vikings on SBS ondemand. I also decided to overlook the terrible film version of Lost in Space and give the rebooted series a go. The Orville is rocks and diamonds for me so far. I'm up to episode seven of season two. There are some very good episodes which deal with universal issues in that special "utopian Roddenberry" manner, but the humour is generally crude. The influence of Star Trek mythology is very obvious, but it doesn't quite hit the mark. Nevertheless, it has its moments like episode six of season two which I watched last night.

Dr Claire Finn (human) develops romantic feelings for Isaac (artificial intelligence life form) so she decides to ask him on a date. To Isaac this presents an opportunity for more research into human behaviour. For Claire, it's an also an experiment albeit one on a much more emotional level. Isaac doesn't know what's epxected of him so he seeks counsel from a male crew mate whom he perceives as being 'good with women'. They go on a date, then a second date which results in a love making session. Issac understands that his research is finished now so he ends the relationship. This hurts Claire and makes all Isaac's crew mates angry with him. Captain Mercer suggests that, in fact, the experiment isn't finished yet because he hasn't experienced the 'make up". So Isaac says sorry in an artificially intelligent romantic way, Claire accepts his apology and the relationship resumes.

His winning words: "My internal programs function more efficiently with you."

It's a really funny and clever episode exploring relationships, which are essentially all about emotion, through a highly unlikely "romance" between a human and an emotionless non-biological life form. Men are lampooned as useless with the emotional side of relationships, while women are at the other extreme; overly sentimental and illogical. Of course, these are grossly exaggerated stereotypes, but there are certain truths within, with which we can all identify.

Love is often said to be the key ingredient in a good relationship, but this is way too simplistic and superficial. Love itself is extremely complex. What constitutes genuine love may be fairly universally acknowledged, but it is not so widely practiced. Issac would probably call love 'a series of inefficient internal programs which adversely affect other programs.'

How would you define love? Can you do it with just three words. I challenge you.

A Dog's Eye 1: Life can be like a movie

I'm a romantic. If pressed I would say that my favourite genre is romantic comedy, because I like the warmth and fuzziness. I like fairy tales. Who doesn't, right? What's not to like about a happily ever after tale, especially when so many of our own relationships and of those people we know, and hear about, do not have happy endings. That's the main reason films, television shows and books are so popular. Escapism. Vicarious living.

We know, however, that real life is rarely like fiction. Fiction is a highlights package on steroids. It's an exaggerated presentation of life's high and lows. Even in the 'in between times', when there is neither anything terribly exciting or traumatic happening to the characters, there is still a healthy dose or 'larger-than-life' being shown to us. 

Real life is mostly the in between times. It's mundane. Routine. Pretty much the same thing day after day. We appreciate the 'just like the movies' moments because they are rare. And many of us are addicted to fictional entertainment for the same reason: our lives are filled with so much humdrum, or negative, stress and worry inducing stuff that we want to escape.

Last Wednesday, I arrived back in Darwin, sleep deprived, but exhilarated - almost overwhelmed by my own 'just like the movies' moment. For me though it lasted five days. For five days I was living a romantic comedy, with perhaps the only difference being that the complication was very short. From the imaginary game of tennis on the sidewalk to the long farewell at the airport, I felt like I was dreaming.

I still do. Now that we are separated again by distance, I feel strange and a little lost, as though nothing will be quite right until she is once more in my arms. (awww...I told you I was soppy)

When have you had a 'just like the movies' moment? I'd love to hear your stories.

Amore #atozchallenge

“I am in love and there is nothing in all the world which produces as much suffering as love. Hate or even indifference do not inflict as much damage to the heart as love. For to love is to expose one’s soul to penetration by the fiery arrows of betrayal, of deceit, of disappointment. To love is to make oneself vulnerable. Love can weaken and diminish a man as readily as it can strengthen him. The stampeding herd of my emotions which has left me crumpled and useless on the ground is of infinite number, and cannot end its rampage until I close my heart. I refuse to concede.”  
- from the prologue to Lovesick

One of my fondest memories of the wonderful Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis partnership is them singing That’s Amore. When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine…that’s amore. Amore is the Italian word for love, but what is love? Surely it is more than the feeling you have when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. Love has been the subject of more songs, poems and stories than any other, and is impossible to define simply. There are different kinds of love, and they usually operate together to varying degrees; sometimes seemingly inextricable from one another. Love is powerful.

What Martin was singing about was the rush of warm fuzziness which characterises being in love. This intensely nice feeling overwhelms those who are in love, and colours their world in happy, hopeful shades. In Lovesick, Angus is afflicted with lovesickness, an obsession which drives him to extreme misbehaviour.

Have you ever been in love? What was the major symptom of your lovesickness?

2016 A-Z Blogging Challenge: Theme reveal.

"It must be a kind of madness, an insidious disease, a merciless affliction: lovesickness. With the power to distort and manipulate one'e emotions, to exaggerate, to fantasize, to blind one completely to reality, to render perspective inoperable. Lovesickness: the eternal bane of humanity."  excerpt from the prologue to Lovesick.

In support of my forthcoming novel, Lovesick, I'll be blogging on themes from it all the way through the month of April. Lovesick explores the destruction of a marriage from both the man's perspective and the woman's. Honest, hard hitting and disturbing, Lovesick speaks of matters to which everyone can relate; the pain of a broken heart, and the slow desperate crawl along the road to healing.

Topics to include betrayal, flirting and lustance (a new word). I hope you will join me on this twenty six post journey through the dark and light sides of love.

Celebrate the small things: Fairy Tales

If I had to choose a favourite movie genre, I would say romantic comedy. There's just something wonderful about the warm and fuzzy feelings generated by a well made blend of comedy and romance. The first stirrings of love, often looking more like irritation than attraction, and often as a result of chance or happy circumstances, blossom until the inevitable complication interrupts our journey to the much longed for happy ending.

The popularity of romcoms is due to the desire we all have for love. The need to love and be loved, is a basic and powerful driver in our lives.

In class yesterday we watched While You Were Sleeping which is a classic of the genre, in my view. I love it. My students loved it too and commented that it was nice to watch a film which made them feel so good. Although I had to explain "warm and fuzzy" to them, they understood the dream: our love affair with fairy tales.

Love is a small word to describe a force which really does make the world go around. Fairy Tales are cute little stories which mean so much to so many people. Today I'm celebrating them, and their significant and universal impact on society.

Did you have a warm and fuzzy moment this week?

Post Nuptial assessment part 2

The thrum of excitement swells and abates rhythmically as family and friends await the bride. The groom stands with his best man and groomsmen, at the front of the church, facing the door at the back, through which will soon parade the woman with whom he has chosen to spend the rest of life.

He smiles and jokes with the men who stand with him. The bride is always late, and although somewhat of a tradition, it is the source of some anxiety for the groom. Keen anticipation monsters his emotions as he stands and waits. The bride is busy: she's moving, coming towards him. She's anxious too because she knows he's waiting. She doesn't want to keep him waiting. He would wait forever but she would never ask him to do that. More than passion, a deferential and reverential love has brought them to this place. They are crazy about each other and everyone in the church hopes that they always will be, even though they know they won't.

To last, love must be strong, self sacrificing and reciprocal. It must have the strength to persist when the madness and obsessiveness of being 'in love' fades or dies. No one who comes to the altar and makes their vows realizes how much marriage will require of them. They know nothing of the agony and ecstasy which lies ahead. They are not ready. No one is truly ready for that.

May God bless all those who make the commitment. May He give them the strength they need to find lasting happiness and peace in marriage. The risk may be great but the rewards are greater.

It's my birthday

Will.i.am's It's My Birthday came on the radio as we were driving home from the Sydney Aquatic and Gymnastic Centre at Rooty Hill. It had been a big day. It was still a big day as my daughter piloted us along the freeway, having competed that evening in her first acrobatics competition for around 18 months due to a back injury which put her out of action for 6 months. She is part of a trio who had a disrupted preparation for the tournament. Their goal was simply to score enough points to qualify for the NSW state Championships. They succeeded.

Proud dad? Hell yeah. I love my children more than my life and although I've let them down recently, they showed me how awesome they are by writing beautiful words of love and forgiveness on my birthday card. Tears filled my eyes when I read it. As I write this, my vision is blurry once more.

When Opportunity Knocks

I've been posting articles here every week for around five years, and last year I wrote 26 in April alone for the A-Z Challenge. Incidentally, I have signed up again for this year's challenge, and I will be posting articles related to my latest novel, Ashmore Grief.

I write to a very small audience whose thoughts are most often unknown to me, and although that is disappointing, I write mainly for myself. I'm not really a mainstream kind of man. I'm a Square Peg who most of the time feels exactly like my tag says, "like I don't really belong." I write because often it is the best way for me to express myself and to explore life as I see it and experience it.

Today, I just want to give some unasked for advice. To those of you who are being presented with an opportunity and you aren't sure if you should take it.

If it sounds good and you want to go for it, then go for it. Imagine how good it could be. Don't think the worst, dream the best. Don't be afraid. Don't confuse fear with prudence. Fear can be a thief.

Open your heart and take a chance because the only way to grow your heart is to share it with others. Grab the opportunity offered to you and watch your heart grow. The more you love, the more you will be able to love. Don't hold back. Don't hide from your feelings.

Happiness is hard to find. If you can find someway to be happy without hurting anybody, including yourself, then don't be a spectator, grab it with both hands and play the game of life. The greater the risk, the greater the reward.

Connections

On Friday I started reading a book called Out of Time by Monique Martin. It's a time travel mystery and the first of a series. Being the first it lacks pace and the time travel/mystery elements have so far, (I'm up to chapter 15), been incidental but I love it. I love it because I have become totally engrossed in the relationship between the two main characters, Simon and Elizabeth. I love them and I don't care what time they are in, or where they are. I am completely wrapped up in them, as they are in each other. The author has made me care about Simon and Elizabeth. She has connected with me through these characters.

This is what makes fiction work: connection. We all want to be connected to other people, even if it is vicariously through fictional characters. We want to know that other people feel how we feel, that someone understands us. That others have experienced what we have. We don't want to be alone. We want to belong.

This hunger we have for connection is why we love movies and books, and music as well. We have feelings, and sometimes through these media we find clearer and truer expressions of these inner passions.

We also seek out other people with whom we can share our lives through conversations, and relationships. However, interactions with real people are infinitely more complex, and much more dangerous. With the risk though comes the promise of much greater reward, and the reward, the prize of loving someone, and being loved  by them is considered by most of us, to be worth the fight.

Being connected to another human is at the very heart of our search for meaning. We cannot console ourselves, nor make sense of ourselves, or of the world in which we live, without an external point of reference. We need others because we were designed for relationships. The problem is most people think they can complete themselves in a relationship. Everyone is looking for the Jerry Maguire moment, "You complete me." The truth is that we cannot complete each other. We are broken. Broken plus broken does not equal fixed.  We connect to each other through the highs and lows, the suffering and the joy, we help each other and we should comfortably rely on each other but we cannot complete each other. That is a fairytale.


If you want the fairytale, stick to fiction and don't participate in real life. Let's accept our brokenness, and love each other the best way we can, and cease the counter-productive quest for perfection.



Photo source:
http://www.zenspotmbs.com/blog-view.php?post_id=140

The Sound of Truth

Spoiler alert. If you are planning to watch Mud, you may not want to read this post.

Mud is a engaging drama with excellent acting performances by Matthew McConaughey and the supporting cast. The title of the film is also the name of McConaughey's character and further refers to the murky ambivalence of the adults in the film. Mud is a coming of age story focused on 14 year old Ellis, who looks for love, truth and security in the midst of the breakdown of his parent's marriage. What I particularly liked was the uncertainty I felt about the characters' actions and motives. I really cared about all of them, especially Ellis, who made a curious decision to trust a complete stranger which led to a potentially disastrous chain of events. His friendship with Mud didn't make sense and I worried the whole time that Mud was going to hurt him. Mud spun a tale of love, a fairy tale romance about a girl he had loved all his life and for whom he would do anything. With his parent's love for each other evidently dying, Ellis latched on to the fairy tale and decided fight for it, alongside Mud. Ellis also fell in love with an older girl who flirted with him and invited him on a date.

The problem for Ellis was that he wanted so badly to believe in love that he was blinded to reality. Mud was a violent criminal, obsessed with the love of his life, Juniper, who kept running off with other men. Mud had allowed a fantasy, a distortion to dictate the terms of his life. He was a fugitive. Juniper loved him but did not want to be with him. She simply liked having him as her fall back guy, and the man who could take care of her problems. Mud and Juniper presented two different sides of the story to Ellis. Tom, Mud's surrogate father, told Ellis some harsh facts about Mud as well, yet Ellis wanted the fairy tale ending so he got deeply involved. The older girl led him on, then dumped and humiliated him. His parents separated and lost their family home as a result. Ellis desperately wanted everything to work out, but it didn't, and his foolish pursuit nearly cost him his life.

However, who could blame him? Haven't we all ignored the facts as we chased down an infinitely more desirable fiction? Don't we all want to believe in happy endings? Haven't we all been blinded by the dazzling light of love? Don't we want love to conquer all? How often have we allowed our feelings, rather than our minds to dictate our actions? How much trouble has that got us into? Haven't we all suffered from the inevitable consequences of romanticism? Haven't we all been hurt, yet invited more pain by trying again for happiness? Haven't we all battled against the odds to get what we wanted?

Where do we draw the line? How far would you go to get what you want? What would you be prepared to do to fulfill your dream? Sometimes, we don't like the truth and we don't want to accept it, so we don't. Sometimes this results in success. Sometimes it results in catastrophic heartbreak.

As I lay Dying have a song called The Sound of Truth which contains profound insights into the human heart. I leave you with a couple of lines from the song.

But what wisdom is there within in us,

to live based on the feelings of our hearts.

How many times has instinct let us down,

never to be thought through,

never to be questioned.

We have all heard what we wanted to hear:

Truth that sounds right to our ears.

'tis the Season

It has always interested me that the Christ in Christmas is ignored, or at best downplayed significantly, by so many Australians. There are some people of other religious faiths who naturally do not celebrate Christmas. Then there are the majority of Australians who do celebrate Christmas, but would describe themselves as not religious. The latter often use the line "I have my own beliefs".

What is particularly curious is the deliberate exclusion of Christ from Christmas. Someone recently said to me that Christmas had nothing to do with religion. She meant for her personally, but it sounded so dismissive that it made me wonder. I understand if people don't want to emphasize the religious aspect of Christmas. If they do not want to acknowledge that the birth of the single most influential person ever is personally significant; fair enough. However you can't say it is not important. To deny the poignancy of this historical event, and its subsequent, and continuing impact on billions of people seems a bit ludicrous. Whatever else it may be to people, Christmas, as the name suggests, is patently about the birth of Jesus Christ. To say otherwise, is insulting and offensive.

There are number of universal values which are associated with Christmas aside from overtly religious ones. Omitting the few Grinches who dwell among us, most people, Christian or not, recognize the Christmas season as a time for family and friends, for giving and receiving, and a time for relaxing and reflecting. We all desire peace and we wish others well. There is a spirit of generosity and hospitality, a kind of communal bonhomie which permeates life, from the workplace to the market place, to our homes and neighbourhoods. It is a happy time, and a hopeful time for most people.

Generally, people will give the same basic answer to the question, "What does Christmas mean for you?" so it makes perfect sense to me, in identifying these common values, to also acknowledge their source. Values do not originate in vacuums. Are Christmas values not also Christian values, or religious values? Or do they spring from the hearts of men, as humanists would have us believe. What is the origin of faith, and hope and love? Where do these cherished and indispensable qualities come from? Are they human or divine?

Photo sources:
http://madjank.com/religious-christmas-cards-photo-wallpaper-hd-of-christmas/
http://www.commentscod.com/comments/religious-merry-christmas-graphics-picture/4

The Night I Crossed Over

Paradoxically, the distance between belief and unbelief is a vast chasm which can be traversed by a single step. One solitary step. One moment in time. One night nearly 30 years ago, I took that step, and my life was changed forever.

Early in 1986, the year I would have graduated from High School had I not dropped out the previous year, I was at a party. It was my younger sister's fifteenth birthday party. My parents had gone out and left me in charge. At 17, I was already a seasoned binge drinker, and a convicted car thief. I had no aspirations, no ambition, no direction in life, and very little respect for myself or anyone else. I also had very little time or patience for Christians, many of whom were friends of mine: recent converts exuding zeal, nagging me about my eternal future, and refusing to drink with me. I didn't know God, nor was I interested in getting to know him, despite the fervent encouragement of some of my friends. I didn't believe there was a God, but if he did exist, then I was angry at him for stealing my mates and transforming them into wowsers. I usually told these overenthusiastic proselytizers where they could put their offer of new life. I ignored them. I closed my heart and shut my mind tight to even the possibility of the existence of an infinite and all powerful God who cared about me, who loved me.

On that night, the love I was most interested in was the love of my ex girlfriend. I allowed her to talk to me about Jesus because I liked being with her. I liked the sound of her voice, and was enchanted by the sparkle in her eyes. As much as a 17 year old can love someone, I loved her. So I drank, and she talked, and the party swelled around me without my knowledge or involvement.

It began with some gatecrashers who thought it would be amusing to go into our aviary and scare our birds. It ended with the police arriving too late to catch the offenders who had started a brawl which resulted in a broken window, and a bad gash to the head of a friend of mine. I abused the police not because they were at fault but because I felt responsible. I felt gutted by the ruination of my sister's birthday celebrations.

I remember sitting on the front steps of our house, still drinking but brutally sobered by the shocking events of the night, wondering what I would say to my parents when they arrived home. I recall questioning the value of life, the value of my life. I recollect searching for meaning, trying to find some purpose. What the hell was I doing with my life? It was my lowest point.

My ex girlfriend returned to my house while I was sitting there on the steps feeling miserable. Thankfully, she had left the party long before the proverbial kaka hit the fan. When I saw her across the street walking towards me, I couldn't believe she was there. She had come, like an angel, to comfort me. When I needed her, she was there. That was the moment I crossed over. I took that first tiny step. The largest stride I had ever taken. I finally accepted her invitation to attend a youth meeting, "fellowship" they called it, and at that meeting I became a Christian.

When have you had such a watershed moment? What happened? I'd love to hear your stories.

Great Expectations

School awards ceremonies, a.k.a presentation nights are notoriously dull. Dutiful yet proud parents rock up to these events wishing they could fast forward all the other bits to get to the moment when their child receives an accolade. Prepared for boredom as a succession of names are read out, and ready for lame attempts at humour from the emcee, they endure the momentary pain for the somewhat longer lasting pleasure of seeing their child's achievements formally recognised.

These occasions almost always have a highlight or two. I remember one ceremony I attended in which a Year 6 boy come up to receive an award for maths and was audibly heard to say, 'But I hate maths!'

The other highlight on that night, was watching the same boy, and a Year 6 girl snagging nine or ten awards between them. With academic achievements, sports awards and library service recognition, these two were clearly the stars of the show.

I recall thinking at the time that they were the big frogs preparing to jump out of the pond of primary school and into the lake of high school the following year. I wonder how well they did. What sort of expectations would have been placed upon them? By themselves? Their peers? Their parents? How did they respond?

Most parents want their children to do well at school or at sport, but some mothers and fathers expect big things. Early success is a portent of future greatness. The eager anticipation that these children will produce glorious fruit as older children, and then as adults can hang above their heads like a storm cloud. Some parents attempt to live their lives again through their children to try to somehow atone for their own perceived failures, or lack of success. The weight of these often unrealistic and unfair expectations crushes many young spirits by sucking the fun out of their lives.

God does not place such expectations on his children. As a parent who expects great things from God, my expectations for my children revolve around them finding meaning and satisfaction in living in obedience to God's will, and in them learning to love God and others more than themselves. Who they are matters more to me than what they do. God is more interested in our characters than our achievements but for those who follow Him, and love like Him, the awards ceremony in Heaven will be the most awesome party of all time. I hope to see you there.

The Power of Humanity

I love how people ascribe greatness to human accomplishment; giving all the credit to mankind without so much as a tip of their collective hats to God. There is a phrase which always makes me cringe: triumph of the human spirit.

What keeps a person alive in a desperate situation? Is it determination? Physical strength? The power of humanity? No. It's hope. Where does hope come from? Circumstances? Positive thinking? The triumphant human spirit? Think again.

What makes people confident enough to share the road with other motorists, tens of thousands of complete strangers? Faith in other people that they will obey the road rules and drive safely, and faith that cars will do what they are supposed to do. Would people bungee jump without faith in the strength of the elastic cord? Does faith come from positive thinking?

What is it that makes people sacrifice themselves for others? Their time, their money, their very lives? Love. Is unconditional and sacrificial love a human quality? Does it emanate from within the almighty human spirit? Is it yet another accidental by- product of evolution?

What is the origin of these three life sustaining immortals: hope, faith and love? The motto of the Australian Red Cross is 'the Power of Humanity' but I don't think humanity is all it's cracked up to be. All goodness originates with God because God is good. All love begins and ends with God because God is love. On what grounds then can we boast of triumphs of the human spirit? We can help people, even save a few but we can't save everyone. We can heal people of diseases but in the end they'll still die. 'We spend all of our lives going out of our minds, looking back to our births, forward to our demise.'(They Stood Up for Love by Live)Desperately clinging to life because we know we cannot avoid death. Pretending we are the masters of our own destinies.There is no life without faith, hope and love and these three come from God. Therefore there is no life without God.

Humanity is not powerful. It is weak and foolish. Paul says that the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom , and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. (1 Corinthians 1:25)

Spread the Love

Most families have had their share of domestic disturbance. From trivial bickering over what to watch on television to the unspeakable horrors of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. Families have been torn apart by tragedies like grief and infidelity, and by overwhelming financial burdens. The Beatles told us that love was all we needed, but look around. It isn't enough. Fifty percent of marriages fail.How many more continue in perpetual misery?

Some have suggested that monogamy is unnatural and, that forcing people together forever, or at least until death they do part, is rather like the artificial construction of political nations from disparate ethnic and religious groups who happen to share some geography. In other words, doomed for disater. There is a pattern around the world, particularly in African and Eastern Europe, of nation states devolving into smaller ethnically based nations. It can be argued that this is more natural.

Similarly, it can be argued that it is more natural for people to spread their love around a bit. Love here, is plainly a euphemism for sexual relationships which again, according to some, flow very naturally out of friendships. This is not the forum for debating the pros and cons of monogamy but it does raise an interesting question.

Can people who cheat on their partners still love them? Is it reasonable for a man to have a sexual relationship or even a very intimate emotional relationship with another woman and say that he still loves his wife or girlfriend? Can a man love two or even more women? Equally?

There is man in India named Ziona. He has 32 wives and 94 children. They all live together in one pretty big house in Eastern India. Think about that. This situation raises enough intrigue to fill a book, but of relevance to the current discussion is the question of whether the man loves his wives. Is it possible? Obviously he has sex with them but sex and love aren't the same thing. There is hell of a lot of loveless sex going on in this world. Does he love them? Does he have enough love for each of the women he has married? Obviously, he does not have sufficient time for each of them unless their definition of sufficient, and his, is ridiculously low. Immeasurably lower than most of ours. Fascinating.

I have one wife and no girlfriends or mistresses, so for me to answer the question posed earlier is a long stretch into the realm of the hypothetical. Could I love two women? I don't see why not. I don't, but I really can't see why that would not be possible. The closest analogy I can draw is loving our children. It is an imperfect analogy, I know but it's the best one available. I didn't have to use some of the love I already had for my son to love my daughter when she was born. I found some more. If we had have had a third child, I would have had more love available for that child as well with no diminution of my love for my other children. I don't know if that would be elastic enough to stretch to 94 children, (as Ziona in India has), but I can't see why not.

I believe that love originates with God. God is love. God is infinite and therefore love is infinite. God finances our love from his inexhaustible supply of it, but would he provide the love I would need to love a woman who wasn't my wife? I don't want to know the answer to that question.

Accidentally on Purpose

Everyone loves a love story, right? We like to hear stories of how people got together. Of how they first met and how that relationship developed. Stories of how love blossomed in unlikely circumstances or between two people whose worlds have collided. We delight in tales of people falling in love. It's beautiful. It's romantic and it's why romantic comedies are so popular. The bliss of love is the reason Mills and Boon sell squillions of books. But do people really fall in love?

Falling indicates an action which is unplanned and uncontrolled. You can fall off something like a cliff, or off a horse or a bike. You can fall down the stairs or down a hole. But all that sort of falling usually results in some sort of injury and is consequently not something we desire. Even an adventurous young boy doesn't climb a tree and plan to fall out of it. Falling in love is the same as the abovementioned falling activities in that it's likely to result in harm. In us getting hurt. In the case of falling in love, the pain will be from a broken heart.

However, is love really an accident? I don't think so. I reckon that people choose to 'fall in love'. It happens as a result of choices. If we think of love as an ocean, then there are two responses. Some people run and jump in to the water. Other people wade in carefully. Whether cautious or reckless, a choice is still being made.
We choose how we respond and react to people. Love is a choice not an accident. I don't believe that ruins the romance either, and I'm sorry if you do. Love is still beautiful. In fact, it's more valuable and praiseworthy when it is deliberate.