relationDips: rules of engagement (culinary)

Anarchists feel that rules are like prison bars, so do rebellious teenagers. There is something of the rebel in all of us: it's human nature. However, most of us learn to accept rules and acknowledge that, paradoxically, although they do impose restrictions, they also provide freedom.

For example, I feel safe and free when I drive because of the road rules, and my faith that the majority of my fellow motorists know the rules and obey them. We all bend these rules to some extent, but generally we acquiesce to the order they impose.

Relationships require rules. They may seldom be called rules, and are often spoken negotiated agreements rather than codified laws, but they are invariably established within all relationships. Sometimes, they just happen as in one person's reaction to the other's breach of an unspoken rule which results in an apology and a promise to "never do that again". At other times, they are more purposefully constructed. A person entering a second marriage will want to discuss the issues which contributed to the demise of their first marriage in an effort to make sure the mistakes of the past are not repeated.

My wife and I discussed big issues like money, sex and parenting before we married. It was the second time around for both of us and we each wanted to ensure that we understood the other's expectations. An early obstacle for us was religion. I'm a protestant Christian and she is a Roman Catholic Christian. Despite our mutual faith in Christ, we had to deal with the matter of church rules versus the teaching of the Bible. We agreed to be tolerant, and not to force each other. We agreed to disagree about somethings. For example, the Catholic rule which prevents my devoted wife from ever taking communion because she is a divorcee. I strongly disagree with this church rule, but I respect my wife's right to accept it. This has become a "rule" in our relationship which we both understand and adhere to, and within which we are free and feel safe. She knows I will not go on about it, nor criticize her or force her to do something about it.

Another catholic church rule which is not Biblical is abstaining from meat on Fridays. I understand this is a mark of respect for Christ who was crucified on a Friday. However, my understanding of the Bible is that we are free to eat whatever we want to, whenever we want to. Peter's vision is instructive, but Paul adds some words about food in relation to respecting other people which also need to be taken into consideration.

In the continued search for more common ground, I decided to not eat meat on Fridays. It makes very little difference to me. Even though I eat meat almost everyday, I considered it an inconsequential sacrifice. My wife was overjoyed at this simple gesture. It is now something we do together to demonstrate our mutual faith in Christ, and to show respect to our Saviour and to each other. By doing this, I am being respectful rather than just talking about being respectful.

I eat well and regularly. My example has influenced her to not skip meals. I used to eat sandwiches and drink Coke everyday. Under her gentle influence, I have reduced my Coke consumption by half and dropped one of my lunch time sandwiches for a hot meal. Some of these changes were negotiated and others have just happened as result of the time we have spent together, positively impacting on each other's lives.

My wife once told me that she didn't like rules. At the time, I challenged her about this, but have since accepted it is not true, not as a blanket statement anyway. I don't go on about it. This is another example of one of our rules, but we don't need to be explicit about its existence. A good set of rules should just operate in the background, underpinning the relationship.

To finish I return to Paul's words:

Romans 14:3 "The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not everything must not judge the one who does, for God accepts both."

I  think this is an excellent culinary rule for healthy relationships, and by extension an admirable goal for relationships in general. What say you?

The Mirror: Risen

"Because you have seen me, you believe: blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

In the immediate aftermath of the disappearance of Jesus Christ's corpse which had been placed in a sealed tomb following his death by crucifixion, a rumour began to circulate that the disciples of Jesus had stolen his body in order to perpetuate the myth of his resurrection.

Fear of this malevolent gossip about a risen saviour prompted the Jewish leaders to request the tomb be sealed and guarded by centurions. Three days later, the seal had been broken, the stone had been rolled away from the entrance and the tomb was empty.

So far we are in accord with the Biblical narrative. However in the film Risen, Joseph Fiennes stars as a tribune named Clavius who is assigned to find the body of the so called Messiah. Clavius witnessed the death of Jesus, and was certain the rumour of theft was true...until he began to investigate the alleged crime.

He meets and interviews a number of Jesus' followers and is troubled by how they present themselves and defend Jesus. One day, following a lead from a spy, Clavius locates the home of one of the apostles. He bursts in and finds Jesus' inner circle there. He also sees Jesus. This moment in the film is pure gold, The man Clavius saw die and be interred, who set his own Roman seal across the entrance to the tomb, sees Jesus alive and well. To say he is surprised would be the biggest understatement in history.

Flavius then travels to Galilee with the disciples where Jesus appears to them again. Aside from the presence of tribune Clavius which is mere speculation, the film goes back to the story as presented in the Bible. One evening, Clavius has some time alone with Jesus who asks him what he is searching for. Jesus offers some suggestions: certainty? peace? And then he drops another bombshell by repeating Clavius very own words about what his hopes for the future were. A day without death. Hearing his own words from Jesus' mouth almost brings the battle hardened tribune to tears.

At times I felt the film was a little pedestrian, (the odd collection of accents was off putting, and there were some very ordinary acting performances) but in the two aformentioned moments I was really moved, emotionally. These were very powerful scenes, and I thought Fiennes did a great job of portraying a man who didn't know what he was looking for until he found it.

Everyone is looking for something. Countless people throughout the centuries have found their search ended when they met Jesus. The day I met Jesus, for example, my search for meaning in life was terminated. I know exactly who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I know this because Christ is Risen.

Risen is now available on Netflix.

A Dog's Eye: sliding into disaster

I know it's simple physics - is that an oxymoron? - but I can't help thinking there's more to it. As a non-scientific person whose brain does not easily travel to the land of 'matter and its motion and behaviour through space and time', I glibly accept that there are universal laws which govern such things. I take gravity for granted except when it works against me. When something that I don't want to move, doesn't move for a while, but then does move, I curse gravity which is really silly, but there you go.

I'm a reasonably logical person, but only to a point. At a certain level of relentless logic, I flounder. I just can't follow it. Sometimes, I even wonder why I need to comprehend such things.

So it is, that as I walk along the footpath, my gym bag works its way off my shoulder. Every so often I have to move the strap back to its start position: the one I think is comfortable and immutable. Of course, it stays for a while, right where I want it to...but inevitably it begins to move. The most obvious explanation has something to do with the slope of my shoulder, and the rocking, swaying movement of the bag as I walk. Nevertheless, I wonder.

I listen to music on my iPod shuffle as I walk. I have earphones with hooks to lock onto my ears because my ears are the wrong shape to hold earbuds. That's genetics, which incidentally is another thing about which I have a very rudimentary knowledge. The earphone cord moves as well. It sways like the bag, so that every so often it is no longer loose on my chest, but tight. Tight enough to tug the cord and cause discomfort to my ears. I have to keep moving it back to the start position, because it won't stay there. Dammit.

Even on the cross trainer, I am endangered by this progression towards the wrong place. (Does anyone have any idea where I'm going with this?) The earphone cord, now plugged into the cross trainer's console so I can enjoy The Chase as I awkwardly walk/run with my arms in an unnatural position, swings. Of course it does. It's physics. Every now and then, randomly or so it seems to the non scientific brain, it swings so high that my thumb which is wrapped around the handle of the cross trainer, snags it and jerks it upwards. I'm sure I don't need to say anything more about trauma to my ears.

My stunning conclusion? Everything in life moves into an awkward position. And with that ludicrous and unscientific generalization, I leave you.

The Mirror 3: Central Intelligence

Starring Dwayne Johnson (Robbie Weirdicht/ Bob Stone) and Kevin Hart (Calvin Joyner), the 2016 action comedy Central Intelligence was, despite its potential, a bit of a confusing attempt at film making.

On the positive side, many of the lines were quite funny, as was seeing Johnson play such a geeky, gormless character, albeit with mixed success - his bizarre CGI/fat suit thing notwithstanding. However, his schizophrenic switches between dork and crack CIA agent were jarring and unbelievable-but pretty funny. The action scenes were quite creative too. It was an entertaining film, but the real problem was the attempt to deal with the theme of bullying.

Bullying is a serious issue which touches just about everyone, either directly or indirectly. I was bullied at school for being so thin, and I also participated in the bullying of a couple of migrant kids, one in particular, who was the only Asian child at our primary school, was treated quite cruelly.

The message from Central Intelligence was that the way to deal with bullying is to become a loner, transform your body from fat to muscular, and learn how to fight. Then beat up people who try to bully you or your friends. The final piece of the puzzle is to attend your 20th high school reunion and do something completely outrageous to make everyone love you, when 90% treated you like dirt during high school, and made your life hell.

With a little more focus, the story could have had more drama and much more impact. In my view, Central Intelligence trivialized bullying. There was one scene in particular which showed the unfilled potential of the bullying theme. Weirdicht has to seek help from Trevor Olson, the man who, in high school, inflicted him with the cruelest and most significant humiliation at the end of year rally. Olson is now a very successful banker or something. After Weirdicht and Joyner make their request of him, Olson pretends to be remorseful about what he did to Weirdicht in school. He even suggests he has been born again and wants to apologize, which he does with apparent sincerity. During the whole conversation, Weirdicht is silent: paralyzed as he faces his tormentor from 20 years ago. He demonstrates that he has not gotten over what happened to him. 

When Olson, ends his faked apology by confessing he was just kidding, had no regret at all, and thought Weirdicht was still an idiot, the latter simply leaves without saying a word. Devastated by the powerlessness and shame as though twenty years have not passed, and he is still an obese eighteen year old being tortured by his heartless peers.

Weirdicht became a loner, joined the CIA, worked out for 6 hours a day and spent his life killing people and blowing things up. When he and Joyner revisit their high school, Weirdicht has a flashback of the humiliating incident, but then tells Joyner that he squeezed all those memories into a little ball and pushed them down deep inside him. Joyner grimaces and says, "That doesn't sound healthy man."

It's not. Nor is it helpful to make half baked attempts at dealing with serious issues in films or in real life.

Let me conclude by saying the irony of the title is not lost on me either.

Snake Oil 1: It's available in many bright colours

Kia have improved their reputation over recent years, as have many bottom end Asian cars. Remember the days when Toyota, Mazda and Nissan all produced cars which were commonly described with the unflattering and somewhat racist epithet: "Jap crap"? You don't remember? Well, I was there, believe me. My peers only bought big cars, usually Holdens or Fords, with big engines, and we derided Asian made buzz boxes for their low quality and poor performance. They were the antithesis of cool.

Hyundai was the next Asian manufacturer to enter the fray. South Korean "Jap crap". Look, when I was in primary school I thought Asia was a country. Anyway, Hyundai has now transitioned from lowly regarded buzz box to popular, high quality vehicles for everyone. 

There are many others of course. In Australia, you can buy cars from all over the world, but I'm getting off track. I wanted to talk about Kia, another of the South Korean vehicles available Down Under.

Kia has a current ad on TV for the Rondo. It's a new model, but evidently all the consumer needs to know about it is that it comes in different bright colours. Of course, it is very typical for car ads nowadays to focus on looks and lifestyle rather than unnecessary mechanical specifications.

The ad features a Rondo going through a car wash, and then being accompanied outside the car wash by giant dancing mops. It makes me laugh. I know it is only designed to get me interested enough to do some research online or go to a dealer, but I wonder how successful this ad has been/will be.

Advertising is a funny beast, but it got me thinking about my choice of car. I picked my current car because of its appearance. I trusted the Ford brand, so really I only cared about the price and how good it looked. Taste in car styling is an individual thing, but I suspect very few people buy cars which are visually unappealing to them. Damn, we really are a superficial mob, aren't we?

Why did you choose your current car? Have you ever purchased a car just for its good looks?

Nuptials and no balls #CTST

I love weddings. I'm divorced but that won't put me off marrying again when the time and the person is right. Last night, I was invited to a low key wedding dinner at Sky City. A student of mine and her long time boyfriend, decided on a registry marriage followed by a small celebratory dinner with a small group of friends. Both the bride and the groom have no family here in Darwin.

It was with great pleasure that I accepted the invitation to attend this celebration. This student started her English course on the same day that I started teaching at Australian Careers College which was August 8, 2016. I've come to think of her as my younger sister, and she considers me not just her teacher, but her friend. It's a good relationship and I was chuffed to be included in the nuptial dinner.

This week also saw the beginning of the Ashes series between Australia and England (that's cricket I'm talking about - and you know how much I love cricket.)

A happy week indeed. May the marriage I celebrated last until death they do part, and may the Aussies smash our oldest sporting enemy: England.

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends as well. How did you celebrate? How was the rest of your week?

* 'no balls' is a cricket term which I selected because it starts with the letter 'n'.

I was abducted by aliens

While that is a possible explanation for my lack of 'celebrate' posts over the past few weeks or so, it isn't what happened. I've just been busy. Life gets like that sometimes, and although I feel like the last few weeks passed so quickly they might not have even occurred, alien abduction was not the cause.

It was with great pleasure that I noted, only this morning, that one of our celebrate hosts, Lexa, posted on her blog for the first time in four months. So that's what I'm celebrating this morning. Welcome back Lexa, and all the best with your continued recovery.

I also have a new book out. My fifth novel Love Sick Love, was released on Wednesday, and I have already reached out to some of you to ask for help with promoting it. May I also ask now if any of you would be interested in hosting me with a post about my novel, or an interview? Let me know if you'd like to help.

Finally, this week, just last night in fact, I attended an historic event. The first ever rugby league test match to be played in the Northern Territory. Australia defeated Samoa in the quarter final of the World Cup and I was there to see it. Big smile.

How's your week been? Any 'loss of time' experiences* with aliens or otherwise? 

* no offence intended to Lexa btw

Celebrate the small things: teach me

Student X, whose departure was due this week, but which I celebrated last week, did not attend any classes in his final week. However, he did come and see me before class on his last day to say goodbye. It was a slightly awkward conversation during which I'm pretty sure he never said thank you or sorry, but he did wish me well for the future. I shook his hand and honestly wished him good fortune as well. (even though I don't really believe in fortune as such.) He made me want to be a better teacher and a better person. I should have thanked him, but I did not how to do it. Too late now, but thank you student X.

The Australian Taxation Office (ATO) sent me a letter to say they are cancelling my Australian Business Number (ABN) because there is no evidence that I am carrying on a business -which isn't true by the way. I was very surprised to receive this letter, and annoyed that I have to contact a huge government department and argue with them when I know they don't care. Now, I'm thinking about how seldom I have used my ABN, and how much more often I could have potentially used it. And still could. This notification from the ATO re-fired ambition in my heart. (Go figure!)Thank you massive, uncaring government department.

Amazon contacted me to say my latest royalty payment could not be paid because it been rejected by my bank. I don't understand why, and neither was Amazon able to provide an explanation. Big organisations can be very uncreative when it comes to solving their customer's problems. This little irritation reminded me that although I may not be setting the publishing world on fire, I am selling books, so thank you Amazon for your inexplicable banking disturbances.

What little, seemingly negative thing taught you something this week? Or made you feel grateful? (even if that was not your initial reaction)

Are humans animals?

When I first saw this footage, I instantly thought how unfair it was. One jackal could easily kill a seal pup by itself, and according to the narrator, one in four pups born every Spring in this area suffer such a fate. This is the way nature works: the strong prey on and kill the weak. There is an order, an ecosystem, a food chain. That's the way it is. Population control. There has to be enough food to go around, and sufficient numbers of seals are born each Spring so that the jackals and hyenas can eat and feed their young, and the seal population is not affected.

I can watch a video like this dispassionately because I am looking at animals, and animals do what they are programmed to do. They don't have choices, and they don't moral quandaries.

However, it struck me as interesting that my reaction to the scene of the attack immediately made me think of bullying. The jackals were picking on the poor pup. Imagine how terrified it was, but it wasn't bullying of course, because animals can't do that. Bullying is a human thing.

Most people abhor bullying, especially those who have been victims of bullies, because it's immoral. We humans know intrinsically, that for us such behaviour is not acceptable: it's wrong. The conclusion I draw is that although humans may act like animals, and sadly that happens a lot, we are not animals.

The naturalist will argue of course that we are simply more highly evolved animals. I disagree. We are made in the image of God: not physically, but in every other way. Watch the video again and ask yourself if you think a human doing that to an animal, or to another human would ever be considered acceptable.

The survival of the fittest is not a concept which should be applied to people, because we are more valuable than animals.

If the hat fits...

Stereotypes are an interesting thing: a necessary evil perhaps. I'm really keen, wherever I go and with whomever I talk to, to be a champion for open-mindedness. I often challenge people who put others in boxes and attach simple labels to them. I don't like it because I think it's unfair to judge people when we have such limited knowledge and experience. They guy who told me 'hated' all Chinese people because he'd had a bad Chinese cab driver is an example of the narrow minded prejudiced which I detest.

Many non-indigenous Australians believe that Aboriginal people are lazy drunks. They'll make exceptions for their sporting heroes, but generally hold a very dim view of indigenous people.

Not having much experience with them, I have tried to keep an open mind and be positive about this most disadvantaged group of Australians. I'm aware, of course, of their significant problems with alcohol, their over-representation in our jails and their low life expectancies, but indigenous people with public profiles don't have these problems and present themselves as positive ambassadors for their people. I have great sympathy for the Stolen Generations and I have gained a greater understanding and deeper respect for Aboriginal culture.

Before moving to Darwin, I was aware that there would be more Aboriginal people than I was used to in Wollongong. What has surprised me and disappointed me is how many drunk and disorderly indigenous people I have seen. In the streets, in parks and on the buses, a majority of them have fit the negative stereotype. At any time of the day, they'll be hanging around in groups, drunk or drinking, talking loudly and arguing among themselves in their native language. Many of them don't wash and they smell awful.

These experiences have disturbed me, and I have felt not only uncomfortable at times, but also intimidated. I've been humbugged for money and cigarettes frequently, and I feel quite sad about it. I'm seeing and hearing a lot of stereotypical behaviour which, as I said, I find really disappointing. They are many tourists in Darwin at the moment, and I wonder what they make of the behaviour of the first Australians. If I'm struggling with it, I wonder what messages our visitors are receiving and sharing with their family and friends.

I came to Darwin hoping to find some evidence to destroy the negative stereotypes of indigenous Australians. I'm still looking.

The Alice part 6

As I mentioned previously, the night after my return from The Rock Tour, I was in great need of a good night sleep...and that is what I got. Sadly, this was to the detriment of myth plans to watch the sunrise from ANZAC Hill.

Nevertheless, I walked to the memorial lookout after having a sensational eggs benedict at Red Dog cafe in Todd Mall. I walked the road up, and the bush path back down, then proceeded back to the mall to visit the souvenir shop where I purchased some -wait for it- some souvenirs. As fridge magnets are the new teaspoons, I grabbed a few of those, some key rings and a tea towel for mum.

On my way back to the hotel to pack my bags and head to the airport for my flight back, I received a text message from QANTAS informing me that my flight had been cancelled. Bad news, right? Not so bad was them arranging for me to be a later flight, and a direct flight. This meant that I left later and arrived home earlier.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 entertained me on the home flight and 2 sloppy joes sustained me until we landed and I exited into the arms of my fiance (not immediately, but you know what I  mean).

The next day, it was business as usual and I returned to work the following Monday. Every day since I have reflected on what a great holiday it was. If you got to Alice Springs, and I highly recommend you do, make sure you do the Rock Tour-if you think you can handle it.

The Alice part 5

To my multitude of followers, I must apologize for the long gap between part 4 and this installment of the sublime recount of my recent holiday. 12 days have already passed since I returned from Alice Springs, and the reason for the delayed release of the The Alice series has been my preparations for a more long term move back to the Northern Territory. I leave for Darwin on Friday- more about that later.

For now it's back to Alice...Alice? Who the @#$% is Alice? (That's a shout out to my fellow Rock tourists and in particular to the guru of guides; Matt.)

Day 3 began after even less sleep than I got at the conclusion of day 1, but I was alive and loving it. We returned to the Uluru viewing area in the dark, then had breakfast while watching the sunrise. With breakfast sorted, we traveled back to Uluru to walk around the base.

This was a very leisurely walk during which we marveled at the various holes and shapes which dot the rusty exterior of this most renowned of monoliths. Matt gave us an hour or so to get around Uluru and back to him at the bus. As usual we were unable to move any more quickly than our wonder would allow. We rolled into the car park like brown cows and partook of the oranges and fruitcake while we shared reflections on our visit to Uluru.

A long drive back to the roadhouse followed, but not before a quick pit stop at the Mt Connor, (aka Fooluru) lookout. We lunched on left overs at the roadhouse, then proceeded to a camel riding place where for $7 I had the dubious pleasure of having my equipment bounced uncontrollably against the saddle on the camel's back as it trotted down the home stretch of the circuit. That was fun.

Our time together was drawing to a close. Three friends left us at the airport, and back in Alice I was dropped off at the Doubletree Hilton. My American friends were also staying there, but they planned to go out to the Rock bar for the official farewell. I declined due to tiredness, otherwise known in some circles as 'old man-ness', and had a quiet night in my room. 

My plan for the morrow was to rise and walk up to ANZAC Hill to watch the sunrise.

The Nose on your Face

How many times have you walked into a shop, and made your way to the counter, searching the 'impulse buy' shelves surrounding it, before asking the lovely smiling face behind the counter 'Do you have any...?' Fill in the blank for whatever it is you were looking for, then chuckle with me as you remember being told that the thing you wanted was right in front of you.

Same goes for the video store: reluctant to ask for help, as many of us pride riddled humans are, you search for the film for ten minutes or so, then finally surrender and ask for assistance; only to then be shown that it was exactly where you were looking. Right there. As plain as the nose on your face.

If this has never happened to you, I offer hearty congratulations, but when it happened to me again recently, I was struck by how often we are blind to the bleeding obvious. It's very weird. The thing we want is often the hardest thing to locate. Consider your handbags ladies. Have you ever found the thing you wanted sitting right on top of that vast and eclectic collection contained therein?

When it comes to our faults, most of us find it even more difficult to see what is often conspicuous to others. Naturally, our personal character flaws, and especially any honest examination of them, are nowhere near as desirable as a Snickers, or Spectre on DVD, so our blindness in this case can mostly be attributed to a lack of willingness to see.

One final thought. Have you ever considered the irony of the expression 'as plain as the nose on your face'?

Xerothermic #atozchallenge

‘What do you want Angus?’ said Joanne in response to Angus pushing open her door and poking through the narrow opening he had created into her space. She maintained a focussed indifference to him even as he entered slowly and approached her desk. Without looking at him she repeated her question.

A galloping heart tends to make the mouth dry and consequently clumsy, but Angus steeled himself. Direct. Confident. Assertive. That’s what he needed.

‘I figure flattery won’t work, nor will small talk or sweet talk. If I ask you out for a drink or dinner, you will refuse, probably with some insulting comment about the ridiculousness of the suggestion, so it seems I’m left with only one option.’

Lovesick chapter 17

Oh, come off it! Everyone has to stretch things a little when we get to ‘X’. I already talked about pornography so ‘XXX’ is out. The most boring and obvious choice would have been ‘x-ray’, but I’m hardly going to go for the obvious because it’s not my style. Xenophobia is a cool word, but I did that last challenge, and racism is not a theme of my current WIP. Xenon is a colorless gas and a xylophone is a musical interest which lacks sex appeal, or any appeal in fact.

Xerothermic means hot and dry at the same time, like Angus in Lovesick as he approaches Joanna with an offer she won’t be able to refuse…he hopes.

Nearly there folks. Maybe we should do the alphabet in reverse next year. What do you think?

Undulations #atozchallenge

"A look of resignation creased Tyson’s face. ‘You don’t love Cassy and you don’t want to try to love her.’

‘I love her, but I am not in love with her.’

‘That’s a distinction I understand but don’t accept. It’s not a reason to quit a marriage. You understand the highs and lows of life, love and marriage. Feelings come and go. You can’t be riding the high of romantic love non-stop."

Lovesick chapter 11

The first time I rode Superman Escapes at Movie World on the Gold Coast, I didn’t breathe for the three and half minutes it took to be catapulted and flung around the track. I’ve never been back, and I probably shouldn’t go back.

I could chase the thrill, but the pursuit of pleasure is not my chief occupation.

When my sister informed me my dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I can’t describe how awful I felt. I don’t want to experience that again, although I probably will. I could try to avoid it, but that isn’t possible. The evasion of suffering is not one of my life goals either.

Life is rarely a flat, straight highway to the horizon. Most of life is neither high, nor low; it’s mundane, but there are always ups and downs, twists and turns. Sure we would all prefer the non-routine times to be enjoyable, and it’s great when they are, but sometimes they aren’t. Fun is good and necessary, but we can’t have fun all the time. We can chase happiness and excitement, and try to avoid sadness and hurt, but life inevitably contains all of these things. Love, likewise, is both pleasurable and painful. Live wisely and considerately, and be thankful.

Trust #atozchallenge

"In Angus’ mind these furtive afternoon meetings were the beginnings of an illicit affair, the foundation stones of trust and familiarity which would enable them to participate in a very risky and immoral game. Afrooz did nothing in the early weeks to discourage this thinking. In fact, in the evenings after their afternoon rendezvous, they would chat on Facebook. These chats started very innocently, but in time, and on several occasions, when they were both alone in front of their respective computers, their chatting became flirtatious. Angus remembered one time when he and Afrooz pretended to be neighbours and he went to see her to ask for some sugar.

            Hello Neighbour.

            Hi. Lovely day today.

            Yes. I need to borrow some sugar please.

Okay. Come in.

Let me see. I have to reach up here to get it.

Can I help you?

Yes. Come and help me. (wink)

Is that better? (smiley face)

Closer.

Like this.

That’s good. (smiley face)

Ah, I’ve got it now. Thank you. Here you go.

That’s enough thanks.

Have some more. I want to give you more. (wink)

I want some more.(wink)

Here you go. Oops, I dropped it. I’ll have to bend over to pick it up.

Okay.

Are you looking at my ass? (wink)

Yes, is that okay?(wink)

You didn’t really come here for sugar did you? (wink)

No. (smiley face)"

Lovesick chapter 1

Ah such irony, from our beloved anti-hero Angus. He speaks of establishing trust with a married woman whilst destroying the trust his wife has placed in him. Trust is a funny thing.

It’s automatic in children, a natural outworking of the bond which develops between them and their parents and carers. As they grow, particularly when they begin school, they are taught selective trust. Strangers are not to be trusted whereas police officers are. They also absorb attitudes of trust, and are progressively more trusting as they become increasingly independent. Trust only transforms into an issue when it is breached. The lesson learned, reinforces the selective trust concept, by confirming that some people can be trusted and some can’t.

Sometimes our mistrust is warranted, such as when someone has betrayed our trust. When I was fifteen I told my parents I was staying at a friend’s house and would not be going out. I went out, and the first they knew of it was when the police called to say I had been found in possession of a stolen car. One of the consequences of my breach of trust was that I was grounded for several months. I was no longer trusted to do anything other than go to school and come home again.

At other times, we don’t trust people simply because people we do trust have told us not to. There also occasions when something inside us warns us not to trust. On occasion we decided to trust someone even when we have doubts, and the results are mixed.

One of the X-Files catch phrases was ‘trust no one.’ While that reeks of paranoia, it is certainly true that we cannot trust everyone, and even those in whom we do place our trust may let us down. To borrow from the Old Bard: to trust or not trust, that is the question.

I have become less trusting over the years which in some ways is a good thing. On the other hand it makes me a little sad to think we live in a world where trust can be such a rare and precious commodity.