The Mirror: Risen

"Because you have seen me, you believe: blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

In the immediate aftermath of the disappearance of Jesus Christ's corpse which had been placed in a sealed tomb following his death by crucifixion, a rumour began to circulate that the disciples of Jesus had stolen his body in order to perpetuate the myth of his resurrection.

Fear of this malevolent gossip about a risen saviour prompted the Jewish leaders to request the tomb be sealed and guarded by centurions. Three days later, the seal had been broken, the stone had been rolled away from the entrance and the tomb was empty.

So far we are in accord with the Biblical narrative. However in the film Risen, Joseph Fiennes stars as a tribune named Clavius who is assigned to find the body of the so called Messiah. Clavius witnessed the death of Jesus, and was certain the rumour of theft was true...until he began to investigate the alleged crime.

He meets and interviews a number of Jesus' followers and is troubled by how they present themselves and defend Jesus. One day, following a lead from a spy, Clavius locates the home of one of the apostles. He bursts in and finds Jesus' inner circle there. He also sees Jesus. This moment in the film is pure gold, The man Clavius saw die and be interred, who set his own Roman seal across the entrance to the tomb, sees Jesus alive and well. To say he is surprised would be the biggest understatement in history.

Flavius then travels to Galilee with the disciples where Jesus appears to them again. Aside from the presence of tribune Clavius which is mere speculation, the film goes back to the story as presented in the Bible. One evening, Clavius has some time alone with Jesus who asks him what he is searching for. Jesus offers some suggestions: certainty? peace? And then he drops another bombshell by repeating Clavius very own words about what his hopes for the future were. A day without death. Hearing his own words from Jesus' mouth almost brings the battle hardened tribune to tears.

At times I felt the film was a little pedestrian, (the odd collection of accents was off putting, and there were some very ordinary acting performances) but in the two aformentioned moments I was really moved, emotionally. These were very powerful scenes, and I thought Fiennes did a great job of portraying a man who didn't know what he was looking for until he found it.

Everyone is looking for something. Countless people throughout the centuries have found their search ended when they met Jesus. The day I met Jesus, for example, my search for meaning in life was terminated. I know exactly who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I know this because Christ is Risen.

Risen is now available on Netflix.

Available now

Roughly three years after I began writing it, my most important novel so far, I am proud to announce that Love Sick Love, published by Rogue Phoenix Press, is now available to purchase.

Angus has battled an obsession with sex throughout his adult life. Although outwardly a model husband and father with a respectable life and a well-paying job, he has a shameful secret life which he has become highly skilled at hiding.

Cassy is married to Angus and has no idea about his secret life. In fact, with her own worries she has been pulling away from him, emotionally and physically which is making his behaviour worse. Although she does not know it, Cassy is fanning the flames of an inferno which threatens to destroy their marriage.

Lovesickness: the eternal bane of humanity, the inescapable affliction which we simultaneously crave and fear. For Angus and Cassy, already in the thirteenth year of their marriage, the painful journey to true happiness has only just began.

Love Sick Love is a brutally honest and confronting story of love, sexual obsession and hope.

Get your copy here Love Sick Love

The Nose on your Face

How many times have you walked into a shop, and made your way to the counter, searching the 'impulse buy' shelves surrounding it, before asking the lovely smiling face behind the counter 'Do you have any...?' Fill in the blank for whatever it is you were looking for, then chuckle with me as you remember being told that the thing you wanted was right in front of you.

Same goes for the video store: reluctant to ask for help, as many of us pride riddled humans are, you search for the film for ten minutes or so, then finally surrender and ask for assistance; only to then be shown that it was exactly where you were looking. Right there. As plain as the nose on your face.

If this has never happened to you, I offer hearty congratulations, but when it happened to me again recently, I was struck by how often we are blind to the bleeding obvious. It's very weird. The thing we want is often the hardest thing to locate. Consider your handbags ladies. Have you ever found the thing you wanted sitting right on top of that vast and eclectic collection contained therein?

When it comes to our faults, most of us find it even more difficult to see what is often conspicuous to others. Naturally, our personal character flaws, and especially any honest examination of them, are nowhere near as desirable as a Snickers, or Spectre on DVD, so our blindness in this case can mostly be attributed to a lack of willingness to see.

One final thought. Have you ever considered the irony of the expression 'as plain as the nose on your face'?

Men #atozchallenge

"I, like every other woman I know, have feigned girlish excitement over bare chested men with oiled and rippling muscles- especially firemen. I’ve glanced lower and wondered about the size of their penises, but it’s never serious. I don’t think penises are very attractive. Actually they are quite ugly and at times frightening. I liked Angus’ penis because it was his and he shared it with me. Only me, or so I thought anyway. I loved how it stiffened at my touch, and glowed as I masturbated him…"

Lovesick chapter 38

The fascination many women seem to have with shirtless fireman amuses me greatly. I’ve seen the calendars filled with male models, semi clad in firefighter’s uniforms with their gym engineered six packs. I’ve heard the giggling and the saucy comments. Cowboys are apparently popular as well, although I think this is more for other men since Brokeback Mountain. 

Most women probably think it’s equally amusing to see men reacting to female models, or just female bodies. I’ve often thought that men enjoy the visual appeal of women, more than the other way around, but I don’t know. It’s true that men are more visual, or more easily stimulated by what they see when it comes to sexuality, generally speaking, and it’s also probably true that many, if not most men, don’t stop at mere appreciation of beauty. They have connected thoughts. Do women do the same?

If you have ever uttered the phrase ‘he can put his slippers under my bed’, did you mean it? Were you really saying that you would sleep with a man just because he’s good looking? I hear men say things like that about women all the time, albeit more crudely. 

I’m just curious about the distance between our words and our thoughts, and between our thoughts and our actions. Perhaps you could shed some light on the topic.

Kids #atozchallenge

"‘Çan we home now mum?’ says Bailey suddenly.

A quick affirmative nod does the trick, and furnishes me with the opportunity to escape mum’s silent scrutiny. ‘Yes,’ I say with something resembling enthusiasm. ‘Let’s get going. School tomorrow.’ I stand. Sam apparently misses the message. He’s licking sauce from his fingers while reaching for another chip with his free hand. ‘Come on. Let’s go. Get your stuff.’

‘We don’t have any stuff mum.’

‘Right,’ I say, wondering why they don’t have their bags with them. ‘That’s easy then.’

I shepherd my neglected children towards the front door, but they soon gain their own momentum, and forge ahead".

Lovesick chapter 38

As much pain and devastation as separation and divorce causes for the two involved, it is their children who are the real victims.

My parents first separated when I was 12, then they split again when I was 17 and that was the end of the marriage. The house was sold, and I went to live with my dad, while my sister went to live with mum. I got on with the business of life, but it took many years for me to get over it. Even today, the repercussions of the divorce are still felt keenly in our family. Mum and dad have never quite figured out how to get along, even though they have now been divorced for longer than they were married.

The impact is now felt by their grandchildren. I accept the reality of the situation, even though for a long time, I imagined, I dreamed and hoped that my parents would reconcile. My children and my sister’s children know no different. They were born, like so many other children, into a fractured family.

Sadly, I did the same thing to my children when I left my wife. The cycle goes on as we are try to find peace and happiness in the midst of pain and brokenness.

Are you divorced? How’s it going? Have you managed to move on?

Joy #atozchallenge

“Weddings were for girls, the stuff of dreams and fairy tales. He just wanted to marry Cassy, so the details of the wedding did not concern him. If she was happy, he would be happy, and the planning stages brought her an unbridled joy which would only be matched by the occasion itself. Even the cost was not his concern as Cassy’s parents insisted on paying for everything. Their eldest daughter was getting married and they wanted it to be fantastic. They wanted to give Cassy whatever she desired and damn the expense which was fine with Angus.

The venue was Holy Trinity Garrison Church in Millers Point. Designed by Henry Ginn, and built in 1840 by Edward Flood, Garrison Church held its first wedding ceremony in 1843.

Cassy looked like a goddess in a silk wedding gown…”

Lovesick chapter 21

No two life events epitomize hope and pure joy more than a wedding and the birth of a healthy child. Most people dream of the moment they marry the love of their life and the enormity of making a lifelong commitment usually takes a backseat to the absolute thrill of the occasion, and the prospect of the wonderful adventure which lays ahead.

The wedding itself is a moment which seems to take forever to arrive, then passes too quickly. The promise of decades of joyful togetherness shines brighter than the sun. At my wedding, I was so happy, I forgot to enjoy myself, and although I remember the event only as a blurry instant, I have never forgotten the joy.

To those of you are approaching this momentous occasion, I wish you health and happiness, and to those who are married, I hope that joy still characterizes your union as it did on that brilliant day when you said, ‘I do.’

Share your wonderful wedding stories. 

Idolatry #atozchallenge

"I decide to cut to the chase. ‘I’ve been thinking about marriage, and what went wrong with mine and how I contributed to it, and about your marriage. You and dad.’ I don’t know whether she missed the bit about what I may have done to wreck my marriage, or if she heard it and agrees, or does not want to disagree. For a moment, I’m disappointed she hasn’t rushed to defend me, but I know she’s too honest for that. She’s probably been thinking for some time that I need to take responsibility for whatever role I played in the tragedy. Mum’s very honest, but also non-confrontational. If you push her she’ll give it to you straight, but she won’t offer it. It is now time to push.

‘Did dad ever cheat on you?’

‘No.’

That’s what I’ve always believed, so I’m not surprised to hear her state it so simply and emphatically.

‘Did you ever suspect he was?’

Mum’s pause shouts a thousand words.

I hold my breath."

Lovesick chapter 48

Everybody puts certain people in their lives on pedestals. We all have heroes and idols, and for many of us who have, and have pretty much always had good relationships with our parents, either or both of them may be the object of our worship. Later when we fall in love with Mr or Miss Right, they have to measure up to the lofty standards our parents set for us, and if they do, then they take that sacred seat.

We have sporting heroes, movie and pop star heroes, and other people we know and admire: those who inspire us to become better people. It is a very natural thing for us to worship others. We are created for such devotion.

Problems arise however when the people we look up to, let us down. Those who sit so high in our esteem, are always at risk of falling, and they have a long way to fall. If we build our lives on the foundations of the infallibility of our idols, we set ourselves up for great disappointment.

There is a very good reason why the first commandment forbids the worship of other people or things, besides God.

Have you ever lost faith in someone you idolised?

Gnawing #atozchallenge

"Angus pulled into the driveway of his home with the usual trepidation gnawing at his stomach. He could never pinpoint the exact cause of his apprehension. Was it due to anxiety over what mood Cassy may be in? Or what family disaster he, as the resident white knight, may be forced to ride in and deal with? Or was his nervousness caused by worrying about whether Cassy may have used her intuition to discern his unfaithfulness. He was not even remotely confident of being able to effectively refute any accusations she may throw at him. He shook his head to clear the fog of discomfiting thoughts, then climbed out of the car and made slowly for the front door.

‘Hi daddy,’ said a little creature which attached itself to Angus’ leg as soon as he opened the door.

‘Hello Sam.’"

Lovesick chapter 9

Anxiety can accurately be described as a gnawing feeling. This persistent, biting and chewing of apprehension is a step up from butterflies, and is often caused by a form of paranoia. Whether grounded in reality or not, a fearfulness with regards to coming events can cause the stomach to churn and the head to pound. At its worst anxiety can be debilitating. At best it is uncomfortable and disconcerting: a joy stealer.

Jesus asked his disciples a rhetorical question: “Who of you by worrying can add a single day to his life?” Positive thinking gurus like Eckhart Tolle, tell us that worrying is caused by not living in the moment. Live in the present and you will have no anxiety about the future. In 1988, Bobby McFerrin told us all: “Don’t worry, be happy,” and Guy Sebastian did it again in 2011 with his hit song. Easy to say, hard to do.

There are some things we can do to ameliorate anxiety, or in some cases avoid it altogether. In Lovesick, part of Angus’ discomfiture and consequent reticence about returning home after work was caused by his own misbehaviour.

If your anxiety stems from guilt, cease your wrongdoing and confess it. If you are worrying about things because you fear the unknown, embrace your fear as natural to some extent, but don’t let it stop you from doing things. Learn to recognize when your fear is a rational warning of danger, and when it is simply a fear of not being in control. You can’t control everything in your life. You are not the master of your own destiny. Change your thinking and change your behaviour. Get professional help if you need it, or talk to friends and family. Share your burdens and they will grow lighter. The gnawing in your stomach will end.

And if all else fails…don’t worry, be happy!

Eros #atozchallenge

"‘Kiss me again,’ she whispers, and I willingly oblige.

This time there is no hesitation, uncertainty has evaporated in the heat of our passion. I open my mouth slightly, and she responds in kind. It is the most exhilarating kiss I can remember, and I want it to last for ever. Our bodies gravitate closer, magnetized by mutual desire. Chao-xing’s leg swings across my lap, and she sits astride me, pressing herself against me, grinding her hips. The kissing is frantic now, and I am ready to explode. Forgetting where we are, we grab and paw at each other, searching desperately to satisfy our lust.

Suddenly it stops, and Chao-xing throws herself off me, springing like a startled cat.

‘Oh my God!’ she gushes. ‘What are we doing?’"

Lovesick chapter 8

In Greek mythology, Eros is the god of love, or the god of sexual attraction and desire. Which is it? Eros is a kind of love, but there is more to love than sexual attraction and desire. From Eros we derive the word erotic which is an adjective meaning ‘relating to and tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement.’ How does that differ from pornography? I’ll talk about that when I get to P, but suffice to say the line between the two is very, very fine, and is drawn in different places.

The world is obsessed with sex. It is the most beautiful of God’s gifts to humanity, and commensurately, the one most abused and perverted. Eros dominates many relationships, and this is one reason why there are so many people getting hurt.

In Lovesick, Angus infatuation with sexual satisfaction, his worship of Eros, destroyed both his life and his wife’s. If Eros is your god, you are in deep doo doo, whether you know it or not. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about.

When does erotica become pornography? Or are the same thing?

Betrayal #atozchallenge

“I have been wronged. I am distraught, destroyed by Angus’ act of betrayal. I know that I am not without fault. I know that, but the punishment does not seem to fit the crime…I feel alone despite the proximity of women who have suffered and are suffering as I am. My pain is my own. I cannot alleviate the torture by disseminating its effects to others, by sharing. The words I utter are greeted by sympathetic nods, coos and shakes of lowered heads housing eyes which widen and contract as required…

When I explain that I swing wildly between contrasting moods, now numb and depressed, then angry and wrathful, the women moan their sympathetic understanding. I hear their words too, but they sound like a blur of soft sound waves which roll upon the shore of my mind without impact. My once pristine beach is now littered with seaweed, blue bottles and cigarette butts. I see it needs to be cleaned, washed by the benevolent ocean but the tide is out and not coming in.”

- Lovesick chapter 30

There have been a number of famous betrayals in history; Judas betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Brutus literally stabbed his best friend, Julius Caesar, in the back. Benedict Arnold has become a byword for treason. 

http://www.viralnova.com/famous-betrayals/  

How many more personal betrayals, breaches of trust in friendship, in families, in marriage? Who could count them? Who has not been wounded by disloyalty? How could the pain of these treacheries and infidelities be measured?

What do you do when the person who has betrayed you is not sorry? What do you do when a person you trusted, stabs you in the back? Trust can be rebuilt, if both parties are willing, but it is extremely difficult to overcome the nagging feeling that one unfaithful act may be accompanied by or followed by others. Many relationships have ended because of betrayal, and many more will. Sad, but true.

When have you been betrayed, and by whom? Were you able to rebuild trust?

Celebrate the Small Things: iPod Shuffle

It takes a bit of work to keep in shape, especially if you are like me: heading towards 50 and not willing to go on any sort of diet. I've exercised reasonably regularly over the years and am pretty satisfied with my weight and overall physical condition.

Of the many modes of physical exercise I have utilised, running has been a constant. It's odd because I don't really like it and it has certainly not become any easier with practice. I'm still tired and leg weary from the first step to the last. Running isn't fun, but I persist because I reckon it does me good. The end result is what motivates me to throw on my runners early in the morning and hit the road.

Of great assistance in this discipline is a little friend who comes with me. My children gave me an iPod shuffle (the only Apple device I own or intend to ever own) for Christmas several years ago, and it provides the beats for my foot pounding exertion. Loaded with an awesome selection of songs I love from band such as Switchfoot and As I Lay Dying, plus everything with crunchy guitars in between. I don't always listen, mind you. Sometimes the music is simply there in the background, calming my mind and allowing me to think. I couldn't punish myself this way without my iPod shuffle, so today I give thanks for this clever little device.

Do you exercise? How? How often? Do you listen to music while you do it?

P.S. Creeping Death by Metallica provides the best beat to match my gait.

Celebrate the Small Things: Smile

Depending on your interpretation, and your mood, a smile may not be such a small thing. It takes about 20 muscles to smile so it's not a trifle. However, the mental power required to generate one, to get those muscles doing their thing, can sometimes be enormous, particularly if you haven't had much practice or if you are feeling decidedly un-smiley.

I think a smile is a mighty weapon which can be used for both good and evil purposes, but because I do not want to make you frown, I wish to focus on the positive aspects of the upside frown.

1. Smiling is easy. Forget everything else I said, and remember this: it really isn't very difficult to muster a smile, even when you don't really feel like.

2. Smiles are free. Although costing nothing, they can achieve a great deal.

3. Smiling makes you feel better. I read somewhere (so it must be true), that forcing a smile when you need to can actually generate some positive energy and make you want to smile.

4. Smiles are contagious. 

What makes you smile? What made you smile today?

Photos sources:
https://twitter.com/iro_gerasimou
http://lonerwolf.com/body-language-smiles/

Celebrate the Small Things: In Praise of Beanies

It's winter in Australia, and that means beanie time. I have very little hair, in fact I appear totally bald from the front, so cold air and my naked cranium do not mix well.

I'm not sure I look very good in a beanie, but I do know that I love the warmth they provide. I have a nice selection: a black one for work, a green one for play, a Bulldogs one to show my support for my favourite NRL team, and a heavy duty Holden Racing Team one for Canberra, and the snow.

So today, I am giving thanks for beanies and the great job they do to protect heads, both hairy and hairless, all over the world, from the unfriendly, occasionally hostile cold air.

Three cheers for beanies. Do you have a favourite one?

Tea is Terrific

The experiment commenced on Day 7 of the A to Z Blogging Challenge continues today because the results weren't especially illuminating nor what I was expecting according to my as yet unrevealed theory. To either prove or disprove my theory, I clearly need more evidence. Hence this rather mundane blog about one of my favourite drinks (I have many actually)...tea.

I really love tea but I never have more than three mugs a day. Yes, mugs, I do not drink from tea cups. Although there are billions of varieties of tea, I generally stick to good old fashioned black tea. I'm a teabag guy, (no pots) and I like it strong in the morning, but weak in the afternoon or evening. I take it with one sugar and a little milk. It is generally accompanied by chocolate in one form or another, and sometimes a cigarette, if I am alone.

Now for some fast facts about tea courtesy of 66 Sip-a-licious facts about tea

1. There are an estimated 1500 different types of tea (my 'billions' was a little off the mark)
2. Tea is the national drink in Afghanistan and Iran.
3. Ireland is the largest nation of tea drinkers per capita.
4. China is the world's largest producer of tea.
5. Tea is the second most widely consumed drink in the world (you can probably guess number one)

Okay, it's over to you. Share your thoughts on tea, and if you can guess what theory it is I am trying to prove with both my Grape Grapes are Great and Tea posts, I'll give you a digital copy of one of my novels.

Quintessentially Quirky

With a great title like that, I am tempted to leave well enough alone. However, the subject of quaint habits and idiosyncrasies dovetails perfectly with the title of my blog, Square Pegs. We're all just a little bit odd in one way or another, aren't we? Don't we all have funny little practices and affectations? Haven't we all felt our distinctiveness (positive connotation) or weirdness (negative connotation) from time to time? Isn't there just a whiff of Square Peg about each one of us?


Yes. We are individuals; products of both genetics and environment, prone to all manner of esotericism. ( No, I didn't intend to write eroticism- that subject is coming up later in the challenge.) Unique, fresh, one of a kind. 



Rejoice fellow humans in the abundant psychological and physical diversity of our species, and fear not that you occasionally feel like you don't belong. This is not our true home...it's temporary, and for that reason, queer little behaviours do not really matter in the overall scheme of things.

Quirk up my brothers and sisters! Quirk on! Do you have any quirks you'd like to share?

Photo sources:
http://www.mlive.com/entertainment/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2010/10/art_exhibits_and_events_around_12.html
http://oldpeoplelol.com/quirky-old-people/page/7/

Oh my God! OMG! Oh my God!

It is the most overworked, overused, annoying phrase in the universe. It is a contagion, a pandemic. A blight on the shiny surface of the beautiful English language. A cheap, meaningless misappropriation of words, used to express everything from mild surprise or disapproval, to extreme elation or disgust. It is the socially acceptable and ubiquitous equivalent of the F bomb, in all its splendid variety. It is...oh my God, I have to write it again...Oh my God!

I detest this expression, and despite the frequency with which I hear it nowadays, I still cringe when it invades my ears.

Is there any cure? Can anything be done to stop the spread of this disease, to inoculate oneself against infection? I fear not. Woe is me!

I never use 'God' except when I am talking to him, or about him.

That felt good. Any comments, precious readers?

Mad about Motorbikes

One day, when my son was about six months old, and we were travelling along in the mighty Holden Kingswood, I heard a distant thunder. Thirty seconds later, it became a raucous roar, right beside us, which frightened my son sufficiently to make him cry. It did not last long, thank God, but long enough to cause me to rue the invention of the Harley Davidson: the source of the noise pollution. 

Why is it that cars are not allowed to have noisy exhaust systems, but motorbikes are? Can't someone design a quieter muffler for motorbikes, or is the noise part of the attraction? Are they supposed to be annoying? Are they designed to attract attention?

I once got booked by police for undue noise because my tyres squealed a little (maybe it was a lot) when I did a U-turn. A tiny hole in the exhaust pipe can prevent the issuing of a road worthiness certificate for a car because of concerns over noise pollution. How come the noise pollution generated by motorbikes is acceptable? I mean, they are seriously loud, right?



Actually, I have nothing against motorbikes except that I don't like them. The comfort and convenience of a car has always held far greater appeal. You can't have a conversation on a motorbike, listen to your favourite tunes, eat a sandwich, turn on the heater or air conditioner, nor carry your family around or the 'truckloads' of associated equipment and supplies. And when it rains you get wet!

What do you think of motorbikes? Love them or hate them? Share your thoughts.

Post Nuptial assessment part 2

The thrum of excitement swells and abates rhythmically as family and friends await the bride. The groom stands with his best man and groomsmen, at the front of the church, facing the door at the back, through which will soon parade the woman with whom he has chosen to spend the rest of life.

He smiles and jokes with the men who stand with him. The bride is always late, and although somewhat of a tradition, it is the source of some anxiety for the groom. Keen anticipation monsters his emotions as he stands and waits. The bride is busy: she's moving, coming towards him. She's anxious too because she knows he's waiting. She doesn't want to keep him waiting. He would wait forever but she would never ask him to do that. More than passion, a deferential and reverential love has brought them to this place. They are crazy about each other and everyone in the church hopes that they always will be, even though they know they won't.

To last, love must be strong, self sacrificing and reciprocal. It must have the strength to persist when the madness and obsessiveness of being 'in love' fades or dies. No one who comes to the altar and makes their vows realizes how much marriage will require of them. They know nothing of the agony and ecstasy which lies ahead. They are not ready. No one is truly ready for that.

May God bless all those who make the commitment. May He give them the strength they need to find lasting happiness and peace in marriage. The risk may be great but the rewards are greater.

Oh no Kobo

The discussion about electronic books versus paper will go on, and on but the e-book is here to stay and many people now exclusively read digital versions. I read both, but last night I was reminded of one clear advantage that a paper book has over an e-book.

Comfortable in bed, I reached for my Kobo to continue reading the engaging, Debris by Jo Anderton. Opening the cover with keen anticipation, looking forward to finding out how Tanyana adjusts to the new life forced upon her, and how well she is received, or not, into her group of debris collectors - please recharge your reader - boooooo! I couldn't be bothered getting up and finding the cable and plugging it in, so I read something else. That is no reflection at all on Debris which is good book.

Have you ever lost power at a critical time? (Take the question any way you like.)