A Dog's Eye: Taught by the court

I've appeared in courts of law four times in my life...so far. Each time I was in a different role, and at a different stage of my life. Only my most recent experience was without considerable anxiety. Many people I know have never been to court and in the normal course of events, most are unlikely to. It is not an experience to which anyone of sound mind aspires, nor is it normally considered positive.

In 1983 I was fifteen years old when I found myself in the Sutherland magistrates court charged with several offences relating to the theft of a motor vehicle. The vehicle in question was the same one in which the police found us pretending to sleep one night. I pleaded guilty to the charges, knowing I was guilty of numerous others for which I had not been called to account. Most seriously, I was guilty of breaking the trust of my parents. Having been sentenced to a two year good behaviour bond and fined, I accepted my punishment and determined to end my criminal endeavours.

In the late 1990s, I was at university. I returned to my car after a lecture to move it because I had been parked in a two hour parking zone. I did this not only because I did not want to be fined but also because I had been cured of 'criminal' behaviour. Unfortunately my effort to do the right thing resulted in a parking fine which I decided, as was my right, to contest in a court of law. At this appearance in the Redfern magistrates court, I was anxious despite believing myself to be in the right. Memories of my previous appearance many years earlier and the not often publicly declared warning about 'little guys' taking on the system in courts of law, played on my mind. The result on this occasion, following the ranger who issued the parking infringement denying that my car was in a different place when he booked me, was a reprimand from the magistrate. His Worship said that although I was not guilty of breaking the letter of the law, I was guilty of breaking the spirit of the law. I was ordered to pay the original fine plus court costs. I have never repeated the action which led to my second court appearance.

In my third court appearance, (2015) I was representing my fiance at the time in a custody case against her ex partner. I became something of a lay expert on family law, spending hours poring over evidence and legislation to put together a case which resulted in what I thought was a satisfactory outcome: a win. I regret doing that. Although my intentions were good, getting involved to that extent was another sign of the dysfunction of that relationship. The series of mediations, the long trail of emails, and the hearings themselves at the Family Court were intense, emotionally draining and resulted in me sometimes losing the better parts of myself inside the worst parts of myself. The battle to maintain my integrity was constant. That description fits my relationship with that person as well. God forbid, I should ever find myself again in such a situation. 

I've just returned from Brisbane where I travelled to appear in a trial at the District court as a character witness for the defendant; a friend and former colleague of mine. I agreed to help my friend without hesitation, and so it was with confidence that I presented my statement to a jury in the presence of a judge. The case lasted four days. My part lasted somewhere between five and ten minutes. I was one of four character witnesses, but equally important to what I said in court was my presence. My friend had this very heavy dark cloud hanging over his head for well over a year, having been charged with a crime he did not commit. I'm sure the fact we were physically present with him, helped not only his case, but also him personally. I had to return to work so I was not in court to hear the verdict, but our prayers were answered. My friend called me to tell me the outcome. He was so excited and relieved, I thought he might somehow jump through the phone. His main job now will be to forgive his accuser and move forward with his life. This will be very difficult. Very difficult.

In all of these cases, I have no problem with the decision of the courts. There was justice for all, and there were also lessons to be learned. This is not always the case. For me, I am thankful that my appearances in court have helped shape me for the better, and in the most recent case, helped a friend avoid the more serious and permanent consequences of injustice.

The Mirror 2: John Wick Chapter 2

In this film, Keanu Reeves reprises his role as the legendary, and invincible hitman. I remember watching the original John Wick film and enjoying it for what it was: an essentially plotless, violent romp with limited dialogue. I don't recall thinking it was ridiculous, unlike the sequel which, if not for the very slick fight choreography, was barely worth the effort of watching.

John Wick: Chapter 2 has no plot, no memorable lines, no emotional connection, and zero believability. I'm pretty sure I've never seen one man kill so many others in a film. I'm pretty sure I've never seen such a collection of hired guns who can't shoot straight or fight. I'm pretty sure I've never seen someone get shot, stabbed and tossed around so much, yet still retain the strength, speed and flexibility of John Wick. And when a worldwide bounty is placed on his head, I'm pretty sure I've never seen so many professional killers in one square metre of a city, let alone one subway station.

I'll conclude my bagging of this film by saying I watched it in two parts, because I knew that Wick would spend the second half of the film doing exactly what he did in the first half of the film, and despite suffering enough injuries to stop an army, walk away and live to fight another day.

You may be wondering what I could possibly have taken away from this disappointing and ridiculous action movie. Revenge. That is the dominant theme of John Wick 2, perhaps the only theme. All Wick does is slay people as he attempts to kill the person for whom they work, in order to take his revenge. Revenge is all he has...apart from a placid dog which occupies some scenes.

Revenge is, of course, a very popular theme of film, television shows and novels. Revenge has motivated many a character throughout the years, enabling him or her to perform literally superhuman feats on their way to executing their own justice. Watching our heroes take revenge apparently satisfies our own sense of justice.

I guess that's one way to live your life: angry and obsessed with retribution. Real life examples may be less extreme, but bitterness and unforgiveness reign in the hearts and minds of those who refuse to let go. This is a self imposed prison sentence.

Of much greater value, and with no violent deaths required, is the alternative path of forgiveness. The only way to be free is to let go. John Wick found, as a result of his murderous spree and his successful killing of his enemy, that he had made even more enemies. He had even made enemies of his friends. And he is seen as a hero? Fool might be a better word.

I look forward to John Wick 3 which will...actually, on second thoughts, I think I'll give it a miss.

Vengeance #atozchallenge

"When I think about Belinda and the Coven and how they, I mean we, have been trying to force you down the road of vengeance, I feel guilty. I really do. I could tell that you didn’t want to be that kind of person. I could see it all over your face. I still can. You love Angus and you would have him back at the drop of a hat, right?’

Finally invited in, Cassy found herself struck dumb. It was a tough question: the kind that causes the most elegant of silver tongues, the most accomplished of public orators, to stutter and mumble. Did she still love Angus? Would she take him back? If to err was human and to forgive was divine then she would need a miraculous conversion into a deity. Forgiveness. Easy to say, hard to do. Nice word. Potent word. Terrifying word.

‘Am I wrong about that Cassy?’"

Lovesick chapter 37

Revenge is not a good idea, but people throughout history, when wronged, want to strike back. Forgiveness and grace are too hard. When you’re hurt you want to lash out, to pay back. It’s natural, but that doesn’t make it right.

Vengeance is an ineffective way to right a wrong, and often only leads to escalation which results in more people getting hurt. Revenge cannot undo what has been done. It does not heal. It is not justice.

Vigilantes are often warned by authorities not to take the law into their own hands. The greatest authority in the universe, the Lord God of Creation, also does not want people exacting revenge. “Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord, “and recompense, for the time when their foot shall slip; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and their doom comes swiftly.” Deuteronomy 32:35. Paul also admonishes us in Romans 12:19: “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.”

Have you ever taken revenge? Have you ever had revenge taken out upon you?

Haunting #atozchallenge

“Walking to the kitchen, I see Angus lurking in the darkness, floating, hovering like a ghost. I feel cold. I open the fridge and stare into the bright light without seeing anything. I’m not hungry. My appetite has been AWOL since Angus left. I eat occasionally, albeit absently and in mouthfuls rather than meals. Every now and then I become ravenous and eat greedily, but it makes me feel sick and I have often had to vomit up the meal soon after consuming it. I know I’m shedding weight rapidly, but I am afraid to jump on the scales to measure my decline. I don’t need hard evidence.

Angus is a wraith who will haunt me to my grave.”

Lovesick chapter 32

Forgiveness can be difficult, but it is possible. It happens. People let go and free themselves of the burden of bitterness. On the other hand, forgetting is virtually impossible. Certain memories of people, places and events do not fade with time, no matter how much we wish they would. Sometimes, we are haunted because we cannot, perhaps do not want to, let go. On other occasions we may be victims of those who do not wish to let us go.

The word haunt is also used to refer to a lingering regret which follows us through life. I wish I had have done this or that. I wish I had not done that. If only…

In most cases we cannot change what we have done: the past inscribed in stone, bears witness to history and its offspring. We have to find some way to make peace with ourselves about the wrong things we have done, and the bad choices we have made. For some people this is easy; for others perhaps not so. The latter may be doomed to a stained, spoiled future.

Let go, my friends. Let go, and your ghosts will vanish into the ethereal mist from which they emerged.

Have you ever been haunted? Are you haunted? I’d love to hear about it.

It's my birthday

Will.i.am's It's My Birthday came on the radio as we were driving home from the Sydney Aquatic and Gymnastic Centre at Rooty Hill. It had been a big day. It was still a big day as my daughter piloted us along the freeway, having competed that evening in her first acrobatics competition for around 18 months due to a back injury which put her out of action for 6 months. She is part of a trio who had a disrupted preparation for the tournament. Their goal was simply to score enough points to qualify for the NSW state Championships. They succeeded.

Proud dad? Hell yeah. I love my children more than my life and although I've let them down recently, they showed me how awesome they are by writing beautiful words of love and forgiveness on my birthday card. Tears filled my eyes when I read it. As I write this, my vision is blurry once more.

Nice Haircut, Gizmo.

My life is a cantankerous Shitsu with a personality disorder and a bad haircut. Actually his haircut looks bad because it is not finished and it isn't finished because Gizmo, that's our dog, a.k.a. Captain Grumpypants, decided that despite his initial cooperation with the groomer, he did not want to continue. Ergo, bad, unfinished haircut for which we were only charged half price.

Gizmo has caused a number of problems for us over the years, but he's one of us: he's a part of our family. We endure his moods, take his affection when it is on offer, feed and house him, and we'll continue to try to find a groomer who can form a 'full haircut permitting' bond with him. His hair will grow out and before long he will be a four footed mop once more.

I am currently in the middle of what is easily the most emotionally traumatic experience of my life. I have been spared misfortune and escaped tragedy. God has given me grace to look with compassion on those who have suffered, while expressing my gratitude that I have not been a victim of life's myriad cruelties. The pain I feel will pass, although I don't know when and I don't know how. There are deep wounds to be healed, and divine intervention will be required. Forgiveness will beat a path through the jungle towards restoration, but it will be a monumental struggle. A long, tearful and intense battle.

Gizmo has a terrible haircut and a bad attitude but he's a dog, and his life is very simple. He doesn't care about his appearance but he has become a powerful symbol to me of how complicated my life has become, how awful I am, and also, how incomplete. Every time I look at him, I see 'unfinished business'.

Household anti-rules

One of the best pieces of advice you can give, or receive, with respect to managing the inevitable problems which arise out of co habitation is "choose your battles".

Basically conflict is unavoidable because people have a propensity to annoy other people. However, if you want to fight about, or pick on everything that someone you share a house or home with does, then you are essentially precipitating nuclear war. One of the cute acronyms which arose from the arms race between the USSR (now defunct)and the USA (now sliding down the toilet on its way to defunct) was M.A.D. Mutually Assured Destruction, and that's basically what you get if you don't know how to choose your battles at home.

In the spirit of acceptance and tolerance, and of forgiveness and grace, I would like to present the following household anti rules.

1. Don't park the car in the empty garage. It must be left on the driveway so the birds can have their evil way with it.

2. Don't hang the hand towel on the rack after you use it. It looks much better, and dries much better if it is left screwed up on the bathroom floor.

3. Rinse the dishes in dirty, oily water and leave them there overnight as this will make them easier to clean in the morning.

Do you have any of your own household anti rules to suggest. I'd love to hear them.