A Dog's Eye: More than meets the eye

Many of our students are refugees who suffer what is known as complex trauma which is a result of long term experience of traumatic events, including torture and other acts of violence against themselves and their loved ones. On the surface, they don't appear to be traumatized. Generally, they are very friendly, happy and grateful people.

We also have quite a large number of students who are migrants; predominately Asian women married to Australian men. Many of these marriages are abusive and half result in divorce and ongoing hardship for the women. They don't appear to be traumatized either. You wouldn't know from looking at them or even talking to them that their lives were in turmoil and their hearts were broken. Generally, they are very friendly, happy and grateful people.

I went to see The Rise of Skywalker.* The film had been running for at least half an hour when a man came in, wearing a backpack, and found his way into the middle seat ten rows in front of me. Less then five minutes later, he got out of his seat, the illuminated screen of his phone in his right hand, and left the cinema. He didn't return.

Later, much later and further into the film, a couple of women entered the cinema and walked up the steps of the right hand side aisle looking for their seats. Evidently deciding it would be easier to access their seats from the other side, or that their seats were on the other side, they walked to the left hand aisle. Not more than five minutes after they sat down, one of the women rose from her seat and left the cinema. She did not return. Maybe ten minutes later, her companion also left; never to return.

A bus driver once pulled alongside me, opened his passenger door and began to abuse me for some alleged traffic offense against him. He held his position right next to me, keeping only half an eye on the road and continuing his verbal tirade for several minutes.

I don't know any of these people well; the cinema people and the bus driver, not at all. It's hard to interpret external behaviour. Who knows if outwardly happy people are really happy? Or if road ragers are really angry? Who knows why people would enter a cinema long after the movie has started, and then leave long before it finishes?

This is exactly why the Bible warns us not to judge people. We simply aren't qualified. We don't know enough. Yet, we do it, almost automatically, all the time. Even though we expect grace and understanding from others, we find it hard, sometimes too hard, to dispense it. There's always more to the story. There's always more than meets the eye.

*The Rise of Skywalker is a terrific film. Very entertaining. Some really nice story line gaps filled in. A couple of wow moments and scenes. A bit or humour. First rate special effects as expected. A very worthy addition to the Star Wars saga. As an aside, I still don't understand why parents take young children to M rated films. There's a lot of violence and some horror in The Rise of Skywalker, but there were children as young as five in the cinema watching it. I don't like that, and ironically, am being judgemental towards those parents.

Accidental Queue Jumping

Good social skills are important. The understatement meter in my pocket just exploded, but seriously, good interpersonal communication skills are essentially the oil which lubricates relationships. 

When the giant standing next to me at the counter of the local takeaway place delivered his order over the top of mine and then said he was next, I realized two things immediately. One: the man had poor interpersonal skills and two; I had inadvertently jumped the queue. I apologized, and made a quip about how I had never seen a queue at this particular fast food venue. (In fact people normally stand parallel to the counter and take note of who was already there when they arrived.)

The man's response to my apology was delivered in a gruff and aggrieved tone. "Just don't jump the queue mate. I don't want to argue about it."

"I don't want to argue about it" is in the same category as statements beginning with "to tell the truth" and "I don't want to say I told you so...". Like the positive onset with an obvious inflection broadcasting a big "but' will follow.

Whether the big man with serious indignation at the take way joint was naturally rude and ungracious, or whether he had merely exhausted his reserves of bonhomie at the end of a bad day, I do not know. I've been unjustifiably short with people too on occasion, but I reckon a sincere apology ought to extinguish the flames of ire. Most people have varying degrees of serious drama and affliction in their lives. Why bother straining at gnats?

It's pretty easy to be nice, even to people who aren't nice to you. It is not difficult to back down and walk away. The offended behemoth and I left the car park of the take away shop at the same time: I was on foot and he was safe in his world on wheels. He might have looked at me, or he might have simply been checking for oncoming traffic, but in any case I threw him another smile. His stony face was the epitome of recalcitrance. As he drove away I wondered if he was a blogger like me.

Photo sources:
https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/j/jumping_the_queue.asp
http://ocoy.org/about-the-indignant-injured/

The Moment

Life is full of moments: both literally as a collection of sequential short periods of time, and metaphorically as an anthology of events which are themselves the product of either our choices or the choices of others, or both.

The moment you choose Monte Carlo biscuits instead of Tim Tams. The moment you grab your blue undies instead of your red ones. The moment when you realize a wild rodent has eaten some of your bread. The moment you sit down to write a blog with one idea, then quickly switch to another. The moment the ball hits the underside of the crossbar and goes into the goal rather than back into the field of play. The moment you walk outside and feel the bite of winter wrapped in the weakened warmth of the sun. The moment you pull your beanie on your head.

The moment your open your eyes in the morning.The moment you open your eyes in the middle of the night. The moment you close your eyes and you feel hot tears burn your cheek. The moment you put your glasses on. The moment you take them off.

The moment you say yes. The moment you say no. The moment you hesitate, and your pause is interpreted as an answer. The moment you finally make a decision about which you have agonized for too long. The moment you tell someone about that decision.

The moment you understand yourself. The moment you understand someone else. The moment you become suddenly and painfully aware of how little you know, of how wrong you have been, and how lost you are. The moment when you are found. The moment you experience grace. The moment you show it to another person.

Life is full of moments. They come and they go: never to return, never to be changed, never to be corrected. Make your choices and live with the consequences. Be grateful when you don't receive the pain you deserve, and humble when you do.

Photo source:
http://www.dezeen.com/2011/09/15/watch-sculptures-moments-in-time-by-dominic-wilcox/

Three things that made me feel sad

Earlier this week I finished reading a book called The Stolen Children. The title refers to all the half caste Indigenous Australian children who were removed, in many cases forcibly, from their families as part of a racist and shameful government policy designed to 'whiten' Australia. You can read my full review of the book here on Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3186726-the-stolen-children 

Some of the stories are very upsetting and depressing. My overall feeling was sadness.

In 1989, I joined YWAM (Youth With A Mission) which is an interdenominational Christian missionary organisation. During 12 fantastic months with them, I learned an incredible amount about God and about myself, I had some amazing, once in a lifetime experiences and I met some wonderful, beautiful people from all over the world. I recently learned that one of these inspirational followers of Jesus Christ, no longer considers himself to be a Christian, and has turned his back on his saviour. His is not an isolated case. I have been a Christian for 28 years, and I always will be because I cannot see any purpose in my life, or life in general without Jesus. It saddens me greatly to think that some have turned away from the ultimate source of love, faith and hope.

A fellow Christian recently read my novel, Loathe Your Neighbor, and said that I was not a good person, and could not be a Christian because of what I wrote in my novel. I have met this man once and had a very brief conversation with him, and now he has judged me. I feel sad whenever I encounter such narrow minded, grace deficient thinking. I feel even sadder when I consider how many people are like this.

There is much more to each of these anecdotes. There is always more to the story which is why I try to love and accept people instead of judging them.

T is for Thuza

T is for Thuza

“She, like her fellow travelers, was throwing the dice for the last time, trying to reach Australia where they had heard stories of peaceful wide open spaces and a generous government. They had handed over their last coins, dumped their identity documents and begged with the smugglers agents for the privilege of being transported in miserable conditions on a dangerous voyage. In her case, her mother had arranged it all but with no money, and her pleas for mercy having fallen on deaf ears, she made an arrangement with one of them. It was all she had to give and he happily took it from her. She was seventeen years old. She was alone. Her name was Thuza.”

From chapter 1, Ashmore Grief.

In Ashmore Grief, Thuza represents the vulnerable, the lost and the hopeless. I live in paradise. I know nothing of war, famine or political or religious persecution. I was raised by two parents in a stable home, and all my life I have prospered in the fertile ground of freedom and affluence. I have had a wealth of amazing relationships and plethora of wonderful opportunities. I go where I want, when I want to, and I eat and drink what I want to. I have bucket loads of leisure time and my work is not arduous. I have never been struck by tragedy of any kind, and I have never been a victim of violence, nor been forced from my home. From time to time I get a bit lost, and I have experienced loneliness but I have never plunged into despair.

Maybe, you also have been blessed like me. Perhaps not, but if not, then you probably know someone who has suffered, or who is suffering. Why not me? Is that what you ask yourself? I do. Why have I escaped the evil which seems so prevalent in the world? I don’t know, but I’m thankful. I thank God for his grace and mercy.

Household anti-rules

One of the best pieces of advice you can give, or receive, with respect to managing the inevitable problems which arise out of co habitation is "choose your battles".

Basically conflict is unavoidable because people have a propensity to annoy other people. However, if you want to fight about, or pick on everything that someone you share a house or home with does, then you are essentially precipitating nuclear war. One of the cute acronyms which arose from the arms race between the USSR (now defunct)and the USA (now sliding down the toilet on its way to defunct) was M.A.D. Mutually Assured Destruction, and that's basically what you get if you don't know how to choose your battles at home.

In the spirit of acceptance and tolerance, and of forgiveness and grace, I would like to present the following household anti rules.

1. Don't park the car in the empty garage. It must be left on the driveway so the birds can have their evil way with it.

2. Don't hang the hand towel on the rack after you use it. It looks much better, and dries much better if it is left screwed up on the bathroom floor.

3. Rinse the dishes in dirty, oily water and leave them there overnight as this will make them easier to clean in the morning.

Do you have any of your own household anti rules to suggest. I'd love to hear them.