Snake Oil 2: Dentist Messiah

Dentistry is a hard sell in Australia for two very good reasons. Firstly, it is outrageously expensive. I've lost count of how many people have told me they would rather fork out for an airfare and include some dental services in their holiday plans than have the work done here. Secondly, visits to the dentist involve some degree of physical pain and discomfort. Many people don't go to see dentists until they have to, and even then they may choose not to.

A good smile is said to be a desirable thing and, at least superficially, a good smile is said to require good teeth. Some are born with great choppers while others are not. In the latter category are those who shell out for a makeover: cosmetic dentistry, while others, either by choice or necessity, deal with the enamel coated cards they have been dealt.

According to the ad which inspired this post, smiles are good for health, and good for relationships. In fact a smile can change the world. However, to really make an impact and to be happy and have a better life, you need a beautiful smile; not just any smile. You need an amazing, brilliant smile. Such a smile equals confidence and confidence means power.

It's hard to deny the attraction of a good smile, the eye-catching brilliance of straight shiny pearly whites, but I'm not sure you need good teeth to have a great smile. Generally, I think smiles are beautiful, but do you need good teeth to have a good smile?

I've thought about having my teeth done. Coke-cola and cigarettes have taken their toll so if money wasn't an issue, I'd probably give it more serious consideration. But what would it really do for me? Are immaculate molars, capital canines and incredible incisors really the key to a fantastic life? If I'm to believe the snake oil salesmen, then obviously the answer is yes. Would you consider cosmetic dental work? Have you already had some done? How did it impact your life?

The Mirror 3: Central Intelligence

Starring Dwayne Johnson (Robbie Weirdicht/ Bob Stone) and Kevin Hart (Calvin Joyner), the 2016 action comedy Central Intelligence was, despite its potential, a bit of a confusing attempt at film making.

On the positive side, many of the lines were quite funny, as was seeing Johnson play such a geeky, gormless character, albeit with mixed success - his bizarre CGI/fat suit thing notwithstanding. However, his schizophrenic switches between dork and crack CIA agent were jarring and unbelievable-but pretty funny. The action scenes were quite creative too. It was an entertaining film, but the real problem was the attempt to deal with the theme of bullying.

Bullying is a serious issue which touches just about everyone, either directly or indirectly. I was bullied at school for being so thin, and I also participated in the bullying of a couple of migrant kids, one in particular, who was the only Asian child at our primary school, was treated quite cruelly.

The message from Central Intelligence was that the way to deal with bullying is to become a loner, transform your body from fat to muscular, and learn how to fight. Then beat up people who try to bully you or your friends. The final piece of the puzzle is to attend your 20th high school reunion and do something completely outrageous to make everyone love you, when 90% treated you like dirt during high school, and made your life hell.

With a little more focus, the story could have had more drama and much more impact. In my view, Central Intelligence trivialized bullying. There was one scene in particular which showed the unfilled potential of the bullying theme. Weirdicht has to seek help from Trevor Olson, the man who, in high school, inflicted him with the cruelest and most significant humiliation at the end of year rally. Olson is now a very successful banker or something. After Weirdicht and Joyner make their request of him, Olson pretends to be remorseful about what he did to Weirdicht in school. He even suggests he has been born again and wants to apologize, which he does with apparent sincerity. During the whole conversation, Weirdicht is silent: paralyzed as he faces his tormentor from 20 years ago. He demonstrates that he has not gotten over what happened to him. 

When Olson, ends his faked apology by confessing he was just kidding, had no regret at all, and thought Weirdicht was still an idiot, the latter simply leaves without saying a word. Devastated by the powerlessness and shame as though twenty years have not passed, and he is still an obese eighteen year old being tortured by his heartless peers.

Weirdicht became a loner, joined the CIA, worked out for 6 hours a day and spent his life killing people and blowing things up. When he and Joyner revisit their high school, Weirdicht has a flashback of the humiliating incident, but then tells Joyner that he squeezed all those memories into a little ball and pushed them down deep inside him. Joyner grimaces and says, "That doesn't sound healthy man."

It's not. Nor is it helpful to make half baked attempts at dealing with serious issues in films or in real life.

Let me conclude by saying the irony of the title is not lost on me either.

relationDips 2: meat and three veggies

I grew up in the 70s and 80s on meat and three veggies for dinner. I ate a sandwich for lunch pretty much every day, and some variety of sugary cereal for breakfast. Spaghetti bolognese was as exotic as it got. Mum was a good cook and we ate well, but variety was invarious or perhaps unvarious or even disvarious. My life in general, like my food was uniform. It was simple.

Those of you who have been around for any number of years, operating in the adult world, know that eventually things get complicated. The first real complication for me was my parent's separation which occurred at the same time that the hormonal cyclone known as puberty hit me. I then had to start high school in new suburb without knowing a single person. I lived with my grandparents during the first six months or so of that tumultuous 13th year of my life.

Food remained a constant amidst the emotional upheaval. Nana was a good cook and I continued to enjoy hearty meat and three veggie meals. My interest in girls blossomed concurrently with the blooming of their feminine bodies, and developed naturally into a plethora of infatuations and obsessions, but I never saw food as anything other than sustenance. Sure it was enjoyable, but I never thought about the incredible variety of food that I was missing out on, simply because I wasn't curious about exotic foods. On the other hand, I was intensely, monomaniacally inquisitive about girls.

I began to broaden my culinary horizons,in my 20s, when I traveled and lived overseas, initially for a period of about 18 months. In some cases I ate new things because the alternative was not eating at all. It was hardly surprising that these experiences fostered a love of interesting food. To this day, I will try anything once. Being an adventurous eater has made my life much more interesting by opening the door to all manner of appetizing delights.

There is no reason to be stuck eating the same foods day in and day out when there is so much potentially scrumptious temptation on offer. Strangely, this argument is used by some people to argue against monogamy in relationships. I say strangely, but there is some sense to it, isn't there? Why stick with one woman when there are so many to choose from? Why spend you're whole life having to make love with the same person? Meat and three veggies? Come one! There's so much more available.

Based on a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of sex, and ignorance of its power, this philosophy would be embarrassing and laughable, if it weren't so dangerous. How can you compare food, which exists for enjoyment and sustenance alone, with relationships? 

Apparently you can, if the evidence is anything to go by.  Don't worry, I'm not about to start spouting statistics about sex, divorce, and adultery, nor decry the abomination which is the pornography industry. I don't need to go there. All I need to do is present my life as exhibit A, and tell the judge that I rest my case.

By the way, I still eat a sandwich for lunch most days so maybe there's hope for me yet.

A Dog's Eye 1: Life can be like a movie

I'm a romantic. If pressed I would say that my favourite genre is romantic comedy, because I like the warmth and fuzziness. I like fairy tales. Who doesn't, right? What's not to like about a happily ever after tale, especially when so many of our own relationships and of those people we know, and hear about, do not have happy endings. That's the main reason films, television shows and books are so popular. Escapism. Vicarious living.

We know, however, that real life is rarely like fiction. Fiction is a highlights package on steroids. It's an exaggerated presentation of life's high and lows. Even in the 'in between times', when there is neither anything terribly exciting or traumatic happening to the characters, there is still a healthy dose or 'larger-than-life' being shown to us. 

Real life is mostly the in between times. It's mundane. Routine. Pretty much the same thing day after day. We appreciate the 'just like the movies' moments because they are rare. And many of us are addicted to fictional entertainment for the same reason: our lives are filled with so much humdrum, or negative, stress and worry inducing stuff that we want to escape.

Last Wednesday, I arrived back in Darwin, sleep deprived, but exhilarated - almost overwhelmed by my own 'just like the movies' moment. For me though it lasted five days. For five days I was living a romantic comedy, with perhaps the only difference being that the complication was very short. From the imaginary game of tennis on the sidewalk to the long farewell at the airport, I felt like I was dreaming.

I still do. Now that we are separated again by distance, I feel strange and a little lost, as though nothing will be quite right until she is once more in my arms. (awww...I told you I was soppy)

When have you had a 'just like the movies' moment? I'd love to hear your stories.

The Mirror 2: John Wick Chapter 2

In this film, Keanu Reeves reprises his role as the legendary, and invincible hitman. I remember watching the original John Wick film and enjoying it for what it was: an essentially plotless, violent romp with limited dialogue. I don't recall thinking it was ridiculous, unlike the sequel which, if not for the very slick fight choreography, was barely worth the effort of watching.

John Wick: Chapter 2 has no plot, no memorable lines, no emotional connection, and zero believability. I'm pretty sure I've never seen one man kill so many others in a film. I'm pretty sure I've never seen such a collection of hired guns who can't shoot straight or fight. I'm pretty sure I've never seen someone get shot, stabbed and tossed around so much, yet still retain the strength, speed and flexibility of John Wick. And when a worldwide bounty is placed on his head, I'm pretty sure I've never seen so many professional killers in one square metre of a city, let alone one subway station.

I'll conclude my bagging of this film by saying I watched it in two parts, because I knew that Wick would spend the second half of the film doing exactly what he did in the first half of the film, and despite suffering enough injuries to stop an army, walk away and live to fight another day.

You may be wondering what I could possibly have taken away from this disappointing and ridiculous action movie. Revenge. That is the dominant theme of John Wick 2, perhaps the only theme. All Wick does is slay people as he attempts to kill the person for whom they work, in order to take his revenge. Revenge is all he has...apart from a placid dog which occupies some scenes.

Revenge is, of course, a very popular theme of film, television shows and novels. Revenge has motivated many a character throughout the years, enabling him or her to perform literally superhuman feats on their way to executing their own justice. Watching our heroes take revenge apparently satisfies our own sense of justice.

I guess that's one way to live your life: angry and obsessed with retribution. Real life examples may be less extreme, but bitterness and unforgiveness reign in the hearts and minds of those who refuse to let go. This is a self imposed prison sentence.

Of much greater value, and with no violent deaths required, is the alternative path of forgiveness. The only way to be free is to let go. John Wick found, as a result of his murderous spree and his successful killing of his enemy, that he had made even more enemies. He had even made enemies of his friends. And he is seen as a hero? Fool might be a better word.

I look forward to John Wick 3 which will...actually, on second thoughts, I think I'll give it a miss.

relationDips 1: e-whores

e-whore: a person who uses sex in some way to persuade men to pay money, or sign up for some online service. They usually target men.

One can see by how many of these fraudsters there are, either there is a lot of money to be made in this "industry", or all these dishonest and devious people involved in such exploits are stupid.

Truth be told there is no shortage of stupidity on both sides: victims and perpetrators. 

I understand why men get sucked in by these deceptions. I too have been sucked in. Eventually I worked out what was going on as I noticed certain commonalities among the women who followed me on Twitter, then said hello, then told me a bunch of lies before asking for money, usually in the form of an iTunes or Amazon gift card. Why they ask for those particular methods of payment is a still a mystery to me.

Fantasy plays a big part in this whole sorry business. E-whores appeal to weakness. By using flattery and provocative photos, they quickly catch the attention of many men, who will, despite knowing better in most cases, play the game. Why? Because the game meets a need.

The problem is that such frivolous and fraudulent encounters do nothing to satisfy deep emotional needs. This form of counterfeit intimacy is what Dr Allen Meyer calls "junk sex". In just the same way as junk food meets the immediate need of satisfying hunger, but leaves one soon disappointed and hungry, as well as malnourished, junk sex is a cheap substitute for real emotional intimacy.

Believe it or not men who indulge in this online behaviour are not primarily driven by a desire for sex. It's much more complicated than that.

If a man in your life is trapped in this roundabout of addictive behaviour, try to get him to talk about his motives, and show him mercy. Leave your judges cap in the closet. Most likely he doesn't like what he's doing either.

Real relationships, honest and transparent ones with genuine people, are real food for our souls. The search for intimacy continues...

NB: I usually include images in my posts, but for obvious reasons this time I did not.

Snake Oil 1: It's available in many bright colours

Kia have improved their reputation over recent years, as have many bottom end Asian cars. Remember the days when Toyota, Mazda and Nissan all produced cars which were commonly described with the unflattering and somewhat racist epithet: "Jap crap"? You don't remember? Well, I was there, believe me. My peers only bought big cars, usually Holdens or Fords, with big engines, and we derided Asian made buzz boxes for their low quality and poor performance. They were the antithesis of cool.

Hyundai was the next Asian manufacturer to enter the fray. South Korean "Jap crap". Look, when I was in primary school I thought Asia was a country. Anyway, Hyundai has now transitioned from lowly regarded buzz box to popular, high quality vehicles for everyone. 

There are many others of course. In Australia, you can buy cars from all over the world, but I'm getting off track. I wanted to talk about Kia, another of the South Korean vehicles available Down Under.

Kia has a current ad on TV for the Rondo. It's a new model, but evidently all the consumer needs to know about it is that it comes in different bright colours. Of course, it is very typical for car ads nowadays to focus on looks and lifestyle rather than unnecessary mechanical specifications.

The ad features a Rondo going through a car wash, and then being accompanied outside the car wash by giant dancing mops. It makes me laugh. I know it is only designed to get me interested enough to do some research online or go to a dealer, but I wonder how successful this ad has been/will be.

Advertising is a funny beast, but it got me thinking about my choice of car. I picked my current car because of its appearance. I trusted the Ford brand, so really I only cared about the price and how good it looked. Taste in car styling is an individual thing, but I suspect very few people buy cars which are visually unappealing to them. Damn, we really are a superficial mob, aren't we?

Why did you choose your current car? Have you ever purchased a car just for its good looks?