relationDips 1: e-whores

e-whore: a person who uses sex in some way to persuade men to pay money, or sign up for some online service. They usually target men.

One can see by how many of these fraudsters there are, either there is a lot of money to be made in this "industry", or all these dishonest and devious people involved in such exploits are stupid.

Truth be told there is no shortage of stupidity on both sides: victims and perpetrators. 

I understand why men get sucked in by these deceptions. I too have been sucked in. Eventually I worked out what was going on as I noticed certain commonalities among the women who followed me on Twitter, then said hello, then told me a bunch of lies before asking for money, usually in the form of an iTunes or Amazon gift card. Why they ask for those particular methods of payment is a still a mystery to me.

Fantasy plays a big part in this whole sorry business. E-whores appeal to weakness. By using flattery and provocative photos, they quickly catch the attention of many men, who will, despite knowing better in most cases, play the game. Why? Because the game meets a need.

The problem is that such frivolous and fraudulent encounters do nothing to satisfy deep emotional needs. This form of counterfeit intimacy is what Dr Allen Meyer calls "junk sex". In just the same way as junk food meets the immediate need of satisfying hunger, but leaves one soon disappointed and hungry, as well as malnourished, junk sex is a cheap substitute for real emotional intimacy.

Believe it or not men who indulge in this online behaviour are not primarily driven by a desire for sex. It's much more complicated than that.

If a man in your life is trapped in this roundabout of addictive behaviour, try to get him to talk about his motives, and show him mercy. Leave your judges cap in the closet. Most likely he doesn't like what he's doing either.

Real relationships, honest and transparent ones with genuine people, are real food for our souls. The search for intimacy continues...

NB: I usually include images in my posts, but for obvious reasons this time I did not.

A Lame and Cheesey Blog about Friendship

I recently posted a facetious remark on Facebook in which I lamented the amount of work it takes to develop and maintain a good friendship. In all seriousness, I think it is the effort which makes a genuine friendship such a rare and special commodity.

Last night I had dinner with three old friends. We have decades of shared history under our belts. Although we see each other much less frequently than we used to, there is no doubt in my mind that my relationship with each of these three guys will last all of our days on Earth.  I love them, and I appreciate their friendship more than words can say.These friendships are among the greatest gifts I have been given.

Over dinner, we talked about intimacy, and what a blessing it is to have someone with whom you can be open and honest. We agreed that it is a great privilege to have someone share their heart with you, and that such privilege comes with great responsibility. We also discussed the deep need that everyone has for this kind of emotional intimacy, and how frequently physical intimacy is used as a cheap substitute.

Why do we need to be close to people? Why do we hunger and thirst for good relationships? Why is intimacy so important to us? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Photograph source: http://karensyed.wordpress.com/2011/07/23/success-by-default/cute-friendship-love-wallpaper/