Celebrate the Small Things: Hugs

This may cause some discussion amongst readers. Is a hug a small thing? Some would say even a small hug is a big thing. Others might suggest that some hugs aren't as meaningful or poignant as others, and that can't be contested. Although one might think that all hugs are nice, some would disagree: unwanted hugs, for example, are certainly not nice. Anyway, I'm not here to debate the merits or significance of hugs. I'm here to tell you about a recent hug which meant a huge amount to me personally.

Last Sunday night we had a family farewell dinner for my son who was heading off to Europe for a six week holiday. After dinner we hugged, and I wished him well, thinking that would be the last time I saw him before he left. Four days later, the day before departure, I was at his house to pick up my daughter and my son was unexpectedly there: washing clothes and packing. We talked for a bit, and then we hugged again before I said goodbye. It was such a lovely bonus to be able to hug him once more.


I don't see much of my son these days. He's busy with work and uni, and his girlfriend, and that's all okay. He's 19. He has his own life now. I've been letting go of him slowly every since he started school, but I am thankful for the fact that we have a good, close relationship. Despite some dramatic turbulence over the last 12 months or so, due to the break down of my marriage, we are still friends and of course I am very grateful for that. That last hug was serendipity: a small thing and a huge thing simultaneously.

Have you had a nice hug lately?

Photo sources:
http://businessmarketingsuccess.com/2011/04/21/grow-your-business-by-developing-a%E2%80%9Chug%E2%80%9D-your-customer-mentality/
http://www.desicomments.com/desi/hug-day/page/3/

Fair Weather Friends

My higher level students are given more challenging vocabulary worksheets when they finish set tasks. This keeps them busy and helps expand their vocabulary. Once you master the grammar, and incidentally many migrants do not, no matter how long they live in Australia, once you master the grammar then it's all about vocabulary. English has the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages. If language is all about communication and self expression then the more words you know, the better.

Anyway, I digress. A recent gap fill worksheet was about friends and one of the phrases to be used to complete a sentence was fair weather friend. None of the students knew what this was until I explained it, and then of course there were numerous "a-ha" moments as a succession of pennies dropped.

I'm currently re reading The Four Loves by C.S.Lewis. Here is just one of the many profound things he has to say about friendship. 

The mark of a perfect friendship is not that help will be given when the pinch comes (of course it will) but that, having been given, it makes no difference at all. It was a distraction, an anomaly.

If you have at least one real friend, you should be thankful. I am.

A Grumpy Old Racist

In the superb drama, Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood's character, Walt Kowalski, is not at all a likeable man. This retired auto worker has a gruff disposition, a snarling visage and a narrow mind. He's a grumpy old racist. He also carries deep scars from his time as a front line soldier in the Korean War. At the beginning of the film we see him at his wife's funeral. She was possibly the only softening agent to have had any effect on him.

Hard as nails Kowalski, who uses abusive language for sport, remains alone in his house after his wife's death and battles on in the torpor of his grief and loneliness. He busies himself with the maintenance of the house and is devoted to his 1972 Ford Gran Torino which he helped to build, and his labrador, Daisy.

An unlikely friendship with two young Hmong people who live next door provides an opportunity for Walt to change, to open his mind, and to eventually have an epiphany which leads to him making the ultimate sacrifice. Sorry for the spoiler if you haven't seen the film, but if you haven't....may I ask why not? It's a must see film. Don't miss it.

I showed this film to my class of adult migrants, and it was interesting to see their reaction to the clash of cultures, and the power of common humanity to smash preconceptions and facilitate beautiful relationships. Sometimes it takes catastrophe to jolt us out of delusion, or to snatch us from the dark path which leads to nowhere. The catalyst for Kowalski's revelation that violence only begets violence was the brutal treatment delivered to his young friend as payback for his own actions.

Walt felt that his death was the only way to right the wrong. He was not to be a part of the new brighter future that he would help create for his two young friends. He would no longer share their triumphs, no longer provide guidance or comfort. He would never know what became of them, but he gave his life trusting that his sacrifice was worth the cost.

Two hundred and ninety eight people were murdered on Malaysia Airways MH17. My sincere condolences go to the family and friends of the dead. Grief will torture them, and they will ask questions which have no answers. Their lives have been forever changed by this act of terrorism. Death is the ultimate reminder of our fragility.

Have you ever experienced a life changing epiphany? Ever realized suddenly, by virtue of some disaster or tragedy, that you were totally on the wrong track? Please share you story with us.

Photograph sources:
http://www.smh.com.au/world/mh17-crash-site-freelance-journalist-filip-warwick-reveals-grim-first-views-20140719-zurxu.html
http://thegrumpysociologist.blogspot.com.au/2009/06/hegemonic-masculinity-run-amok-in-gran.html

A Lame and Cheesey Blog about Friendship

I recently posted a facetious remark on Facebook in which I lamented the amount of work it takes to develop and maintain a good friendship. In all seriousness, I think it is the effort which makes a genuine friendship such a rare and special commodity.

Last night I had dinner with three old friends. We have decades of shared history under our belts. Although we see each other much less frequently than we used to, there is no doubt in my mind that my relationship with each of these three guys will last all of our days on Earth.  I love them, and I appreciate their friendship more than words can say.These friendships are among the greatest gifts I have been given.

Over dinner, we talked about intimacy, and what a blessing it is to have someone with whom you can be open and honest. We agreed that it is a great privilege to have someone share their heart with you, and that such privilege comes with great responsibility. We also discussed the deep need that everyone has for this kind of emotional intimacy, and how frequently physical intimacy is used as a cheap substitute.

Why do we need to be close to people? Why do we hunger and thirst for good relationships? Why is intimacy so important to us? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Photograph source: http://karensyed.wordpress.com/2011/07/23/success-by-default/cute-friendship-love-wallpaper/