Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Thursday, February 18, 2021

RelationDips: Engineering Families Part 2

I’ve been a fan of Neighbours since it first came on our screens back in 1985. When I say fan, it isn’t my favourite show, not by a long shot and I haven’t seen every episode. I don’t have a dedicated blog. I’m not a member of any fan clubs and my knowledge of the show, the revolving plots, cast of characters and the actors who play them is not deep. However, these days I rarely miss an episode, most often watching catch ups on Tenplay. Usually, at any given time, I can tell you what’s going on. Occasionally, I lose interest with certain storylines and characters. At other times, I get right into it. There’s a current thread about a twenty-year marriage ending. Shane and Dipi. Shane lost the plot with a drug addiction. Dipi had an affair. The affair was explosively revealed by people with alterior motives. Shane moved on with Amy who made him happy and accepted him the way he was. Dipi declared her love for Shane and wants to get back together. Shane says no way. I can’t forgive you. Not a far-fetched storyline at all. I should know. I lived it.


Neighbours is a classic soap opera. Everything that happens, though based on very plausible scenarios, is next level dramatic and intense. People are always saying they’ll never forgive someone for what they did. Then after a few more episodes, they do. All the main characters live in the same street, Ramsay Street, and work in the same suburb, Erinsborough. There’s always someone in Erinsborough Hospital. Two of the residents of Ramsey Street work there. There’s always a police drama. Two police officers live in Ramsay Street as well. You get the picture. The potential for drama is untold and for entertainment’s sake is often ridiculous. The various threads are sometimes light, sometimes heavy, but always fun…if you like soap operas.

An interesting subtext to the imaginary lives of Ramsay Street residents is the social engineering which drives both the creation of characters and storylines. Here’s a few examples.


1. - Mackenzie is a transgender character who, not long after joining the regular cast, had her final gender reassignment surgery.

2. - David and Aaron are a same sex attracted couple who after experimenting with foster care, enlisted the help of their same sex attracted female housemate to ‘have a baby with them.’

3. - The newest teacher recruit at Erinsborough High is deaf. The actor wears a Cochlear implant and plays a deaf teacher on the show.

4. - Terese, who runs Lassiter’s Hotel, retracted an earlier, politically incorrect Australia Day statement, in order to make amends on the Australia Day episode.

Three of these four are controversial issues which the producers and writers of Neighbours, clearly very liberal thinkers (aka ‘tolerant and inclusive’ in newspeak), are not afraid to tackle. And why would they be? The deliberate move towards ‘normalizing’ people who have traditionally been marginalised by mainstream society and discriminated against because they are different is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it does mean, that because minority groups have to be given equal status and equal opportunity, we now have a situation in which the microcosm of a television show does not actually reflect the composition of society. What we see is what the makers of these shows want us to see. Ramsay Street has a transgender character, a same sex attracted male couple, and a same sex attracted female who injected herself with sperm so she and her friends could have a baby together. What they don’t have is anyone profoundly disabled, regular indigenous characters or anyone from an ethnic minority who migrated to Australia with poor English. Never mind those minority groups though.


Getting back to the broader issue of families, Karl and Susan Kennedy are Ramsay Streets grandparents who have operated as defacto parents for many ‘strays’ over the years since their own children grew up and moved away. For example, Hendrix is currently living with them after his father’s marriage ended and he moved away. (His father is the guy who had the affair with Dipi.) The idea that families are no longer narrowly defined along the traditional lines of mother, father and biological children is simply an acknowledgment of reality. However, the concept of the extended, blended, all-inclusive family with many people contributing to the raising of children is not an innovation.

“It takes a village to raise a child” is an African proverb which reflects what we all know to be true, but it’s worth examining in much finer detail. If the village is a village of idiots then there’s no benefit to the child right? If the village practices female genital mutilation, for example, then perhaps that’s not a great village either. If no one works in the village, then that’s a pretty pathetic example to set for children as well. So, the value of the village quite clearly depends on a number of factors.

My point here is that television shows like Neighbours seem overly interested in dictating what modern families should look like. I’ve deliberately avoided talking about the show Modern Family, even though it is also a classic example of what I’m talking about. Popular culture is tremendously influential. To say the themes and storylines of many movies and television shows, like Neighbours, are merely mirrors of society is disingenuous. The truth is they represent a deliberate attack on the family unit.

 

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Friday, July 6, 2018

A Dog's Eye: to say goodbye

My Nana died on June 11 aged 96. Last Wednesday, July 4, the funeral was held at Woronora Cemetery, followed by a wake at The Bridge restaurant on Woronora River. The funeral was delayed to allow for family members who were overseas, like myself, to be there to say goodbye to a woman who lived a life few of us who remain could imagine.

I belong to a wonderful extended family and for this I am truly grateful to God who holds all of our lives in his mighty hand.

Here is the speech I delivered at the service* on behalf of my cousins. It was bookended by a terrific eulogy by my mum, and a speech by my son on behalf of the great grandchildren.

How do you encapsulate a life in a few moments. And such a long life as Nana had. The bible says we are given three score and ten years, but he granted Nana nearly five score. Wow. 96 years. How do you summarise such a long and amazing life. Well, I think Mum did a great job in her eulogy.

Think of your own life, the highs and the lows but in between so much of the mundane. What can I say about Nana? I can really only speak about the impact she had on my life, and to a lesser, more general extent, about the impact she had on the lives of my cousins. Imagine living to see your grandchildren grow up and have their own children. Think about what Nana saw, what she experienced in her 96 years. I remember speaking at her 70th birthday party about historical events which occurred in the year she was born: 1922. Think of how she saw the world change so dramatically.

For most of the major moments in our lives, she was there. She lived, she loved and she reveled in the achievements of her grandchildren. I remember the sparkle in her eyes, and her undivided attention when I spoke with her and told her all about what was going on in my life from time time to time. I remember how she filled me in on details from the rest of the family. How she remembered stuff, and how proud she was of all of us. I remember how baffled she sometimes was as well, not because there was anything wrong with her mind, but simply from astonishment I guess. Amazed at what we were doing and what we achieved. How we travelled the world, for example, as though it were nothing more than a family camping trip down to Cudmirrah. How great were those family holidays!

I felt especially close to Nana and Grandad particularly during and as a result of the time I lived with them in Oatley when I started high school. During a tumultuous time for me, I remember Oatley as being a safe place. I remember the peace and the quiet. I remember developing a love for dark chocolate which we ate after dinner while watching TV together. For those six months Nana and Grandad were my parents. When I think of Nana, I think of intelligent and wide ranging conversations about books and politics and life in general. I think about playing Scrabble and cups of tea and bikkies.

We'll all treasure our memories of Nana. What a blessed life we have had and how wonderful that we got to share so much of it with her. Sure, we're sad, but i think most of all we feel grateful. We honour the dead by how we continue to live and live well. There is a saying that while there is life there is hope. Nana is dead, but I think hope is eternal. It goes beyond the grave. Jesus Christ is our eternal hope, and I'm looking forward to seeing Nana again one day.

Rest in peace, Eileen Rayner. We love you and we'll miss you Nana.


*I wrote out the speech, but left it in my pocket as I spoke. Consequently I added and deleted some things. The words above are the best my memory can do to recall what I actually said. It was such an emotional day, but so great. 




Tuesday, December 27, 2016

A Welcome Forgetfulness

From the moment I said good-bye at the airport on August 5 to begin the new Darwin chapter of my life, I began dreaming of my return home for Christmas. As hard as I tried to not wish my life away, I could not resist the emotional pull of family and familiarity. And so, it was with joyful expectation that I counted the months, the weeks, the days and finally the hours until I packed my suitcase and headed for the airport.

It is said that three weeks is an ideal length of time for a holiday. The first week is winding down, the second relaxing, and the third gearing up. I haven't had enough holidays of more than a couple of days duration to properly test this theory, and this time has not been at all normal, but I'm beginning to feel something. Today is day 10 of my holiday-the half way point, and a vague forgetfulness is creeping over me.

The alarm has not, but once, rudely interrupted me from slumber. I have driven my XR6, which I missed, everywhere I needed to go, but the imperative to go has diminished. I eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want - late dinners, early lunches, multiple lunches. Planning for the day happens that morning or maybe the night before. I don't exercise except for spontaneous walks around the beach at Kiama or bicycle rides. There is nothing I have to do. No place I have to go.

I can almost not remember that I live in Darwin, that I have a job there and that I don't know when I will return home for good. The memory of strict routines, buses, gym work outs and continually oppressive heat have faded. The loneliness, and the symptoms of Hug Deprivation Syndrome have disappeared. I feel lazy and unenergetic, and I'm happy to go with that because I am on holiday. I can almost forget that I'll never see my dad again.



It's a beautiful sunny morning. We'll probably go to the beach, but we don't have to. I'll watch some more cricket on TV, swimming in the languid sea of rest, falling all over the lounge in various positions of repost. I might even have a beer before lunch. I don't have any real plans. I'm in week 2 of my break, and I feel calmer than I have for quite some time. To achieve this tranquility means choosing to forget, but not in the sense of not remembering; it's more like letting go.

Photo sources:
http://www.qantasnewsroom.com.au/media-releases/qantas-dreamliners-symbolise-new-era-for-national-carrier/
http://www.illawarramercury.com.au/story/2980957/sharks-spotted-feeding-in-kiama-photos/mer/
http://www.kotaku.com.au/2014/04/the-big-question-winter-or-sum

Friday, December 16, 2016

Celebrate the Small Things: Gratitude reigns!

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but gratitude is the panacea for my mental health. For me, at this time of year, it is hard not be overflowing with thankfulness. There is so much for which to be grateful.

It was my last day at work yesterday, and we finished with an early mark and a nice staff lunch. We played (is that the right verb?) bad Santa. It was my first time and it was a lot of fun. Then my boss dropped me in town where I did all of my Christmas shopping. I made a list and I checked it twice. (smiley face)

Moving to Darwin four and a half months ago was a risky move which has paid off in spades. The job is great, I love where I live and my new church home at C3 Darwin, and I am getting on top of my debt. I also sold 24 books this month which is a record.

Tomorrow, I'm flying home for Christmas and I can't wait to see my fiance and my family. I just received a phone call from my brother-in-law to inform me that my dad was taken to hospital by ambulance last night. His heart stopped en route, but the paramedics revived him and he is in a stable condition now. He was only released from hospital two days ago after spending a couple of weeks there with breathing difficulties. He has lung cancer and I know I am going to lose him soon. I'm grateful for the wonderful relationship I have with him, and even as he struggles to breathe, I am thankful to God for him, and for the breath in my lungs.

Merry Christmas everyone. Peace and blessings to you all in Jesus' name.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Tennis anyone?

My family gets together once a month or so to play tennis. None of us are very good although I have noticed some improvement. However, it's not about being good or winning (official lie: if you play, you should always play to win), it's about spending time together. We get together on other occasions naturally, both organised and spontaneous, but playing tennis is something we do to make sure life doesn't pull us away from each other.

Life can tear us loose from the moorings of our family and friends, so we must be vigilant with the maintenance of our anchors. (Sorry for the double boating analogy. I don't even like boats very much.)

Aside from family and friends, do you have any anchors in your life?