A Dog's Eye: Freefaller

I stepped off the edge, but I didn't fall. Was it a miracle? Was it luck? Was it, in fact what I had suspected all along? That if I surrendered my right to financial security based on working 9 to 5 for a wage, I would survive? 

On April 8 this year I was made redundant. My role as lead teacher was identified by management as one which was unnecessary. I was no longer required. I couldn't help feel, as I still do, that the decision to deem my position surplus to requirements cast a pall on everything I had done during my two and half years with the company. It doesn't mean my contributions had no value, but it's difficult not to see it that way.

Losing my job was a good thing. Even though I enjoyed most aspects of the work, and of course I loved the regular pay packet and the associated tax benefits of working for a not-for-profit organisation, I wanted to leave. I had been praying for a way out.

Ever since I was gifted an old 486 computer, in 1998, and made the subsequent decision that I wanted to be a writer, I have been dreaming of achieving that goal. Of course, I could never pursue that dream full time. For mostly financial reasons, my writing remained a hobby, until April 8, 2021.

The time had come. I once dreamed of being a professional writer, of earning my living exercising my brain and my imagination by tapping on the keyboard of my laptop. Now I dream of more. I am a writer. Although it has taken some time to get used to, I now tell people when they ask what I do. I tell them I am a writer. Thanks for asking, I say then I give them one of my business cards. I'm a writer, but I'm not earning a living...not yet. I'm in a kind of freefall. Financially untethered.

I have six novels and scores of published short stories under my belt, but I've only made pocket money from these works. I have a memoir which is nearly ready to be published, and I've almost finished the first draft of what will be my seventh novel. My most recent short story will feature in an upcoming anthology. This is one aspect of my writing, one half, if you like, of my work as a writer. These are my projects. They bear my name. They carry my hopes. These are the projects will fuel my creative fire.

The other half is the new world of freelance writing: content articles, short stories, longer works of fiction, non fiction books, and even speeches. I get paid for them but none of these works bear my name because I'm a ghostwriter. Someone else gets the glory. I do get paid way more than I've ever earned from those pieces which bear my name though. It's not regular pay either, and mostly it's not big money and a lot of it is just work. The passion I feel for my work is missing with this ghostwriting work. It's just work.

The two platforms I've been using to find freelance writing work since I began my freefall are Upwork and Freelancer. Yesterday I made the decision to leave Freelancer. I apologize for teasing you. I did say in my previous post that I would discuss the differences between these two platforms in this post. However, when I sat down to write, I was carried away to another place. Not far away mind you. Not the bottom of the cliff from which I stepped off. I'm not going to reach the bottom, by the way. I'm on the way up because God caught me soon after I yielded to gravity. I'm safe, even though I don't always feel safe, I am.

I'm a freelancer. I'm a writer. My decisions are based on that fact now. How does this or that support my quest to return to my previous income level, or higher, on the back of my writing? That's the question.

Why have I dumped Freelancer? Why do I much prefer Upwork? How is my journey from hobby writer to professional going? Next time, I promise to lay it all out for you.

Inspiration V Discipline

I'm reading (sounds just like yesterday's post) a book about marriage by an artist, named Thomas Kinkade, who uses numerous painting analogies to describe what he and his co author wife call the many loves of marriage. In the book, Kinkade speaks about inspiration and how as a family man, he cannot afford to just sit around and wait for it. He goes to work at 9am everyday and paints, whether he feels like it or not. He disciplines himself and maintains a routine to put himself in a position where inspiration may strike. He says it does.

As a fellow creative person, a writer, I have not had the same experience as Kinkade. I cannot discipline myself to write. I don't have time. I have a job and other commitments. I don't earn a living from writing.

How about you? Where do you stand in the inspiration versus discipline debate? Thomas Edison reportedly said that genius was only one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration. What's your view?

Delightful Deliberations

I'm a creative and passionate person. I've been called a dreamer but I know, with apologies to John Lennon, that I am not the only one. I have tended to make things hard for myself throughout my life while simultaneously wishing for and espousing the virtues of simplicity. I may complain about problems, rail against the onslaught of various tribulations, but that is life, and I love life.

I'm on the verge of signing a contract for the publication of my fourth novel, A Muddy Red River. I don't like details and fine print because I'm a big picture kind of person but am I unhappy about having to go over the fine print of a publishing contract? Hell no!

Preview A Muddy Red River here

Whatever it Takes

In the film, The Big Year, Owen Wilson plays a world champion, (of the United States), birdwatcher, or birder as these fanatics call themselves. His hobby has cost him three or four marriages and seriously threatens to derail another one in the film. Jack Black and Steve Martin also play birders who become friends on this mutual quest to break the record for most birds seen in one calendar year in North America.

The film explores the idea of sacrifice. How much do you lose when you pursue one goal with relentless passion? If you want to be the best, what does it cost? Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal? Think before you answer...how much are you prepared to do, how far are you prepared to go to get what you want? How do you define success? What are your priorities?
As in life, the characters in the film face very difficult choices about what to do with their time and money, and how to balance competing demands.

Those few who reach the pinnacle of their chosen field of endeavour know the answers to these questions. They've already done it, lived it. Given up things, missed out on things, lost time, lost childhoods, lost relationships, and sometimes even lost themselves in their persistent and single minded hunger for success.

I have never wanted anything that badly. I have never burned sacrificial offerings on the altar of my dreams. I am a writer and I would love to escape the confines of obscurity, but I won't do whatever it takes. I have already put my family first on numerous occasions.  I have put my physical and mental health first. I have had other priorities. Perhaps I will never make it as a writer, never be successful because I am not prepared to do whatever it takes. Then again, maybe that means I am already successful.

I highly recommend the movie by the way. Funny, clever, thought provoking and heart warming. Romantic, in an unconventional way. Beautiful locations and if you like birds, it's a no brainer. I was worried the presence of so many stars might be masking a dud script, and I considered the fact that it was released straight to DVD. However, I liked it a lot.

Keeping a Lid On It

It's not easy. I began my writing career in 1998 when I was gifted my first computer,(thanks again Darren)and I became familiar, very quickly, with the cycle of submit and be rejected. Editors say things like "we appreciate your interest in the magazine but your story is not quite right for us", "we appreciate the chance to read your story, unfortunately the piece is not for us", "after careful consideration we've decided we won't be able to use your story", and "we read your work but it wasn't a good fit for us at this time." Not all rejections are flat out rejections. Although adding fuel to the fire of frustration, some editors provide encouragement by praising what they liked about the story. They say things like, "Good idea", "well paced", "well written", "I loved the character", "I enjoyed it" etc, and then apologize that they won't be publishing it.I've written 71 short stories and had 11 of them published. That's 11 acceptances out of 252 submissions.

I've also written two novels. The first, Devolution was published as an e-book in 2009. I paid for that to happen and I did not recover my costs through sales. Nevertheless, it was an achievement. I had a product to sell and some supportive friends and family bought copies. Now Devolution is available in paperback and it cost me nothing to produce. It's called "print on demand" and I set it up with CreateSpace. When the proof copy arrived on my doorstep, I was stoked. The book was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. In a couple of weeks, I'll be appearing at the local bookstore to sell and sign copies of Devolution on the back of some publicity, including a feature article in the local newspaper. Like I said, it's not easy to keep on lid on my excitement. These small steps mean everything and nothing much at the same time. You can imagine my anxiety as I think of the in store appearance.

Will complete strangers buy my book? Why should they? Because they like the cover? The blurb? Because they want to support a local author? Will the appearance be a flop, leaving me to walk way with a box of unsold books? All writers have experienced rejection. All writers have had the fear that they are writing for themselves when what they desperately want is readers. Some writers become hugely successful, rich and famous...most writers have to keep their day jobs.I have to keep my day job which is okay because I actually love my day job...but I want to write and want people to read what I write. All I can do therefore, is try, struggle to contain my enthusiasm, keep writing and keep dreaming of eventual success.