relationDips: Why I don't argue

My wife insists on washing all fresh food, including pre packed meat before she eats it, or uses it to cook. Even after washing, she is suspicious of skin and will peel it off: even grapes. All traces of soap must be rinsed off the dishes before they are considered clean. Frequent handwashing is normal, and was normal before COVID. Now before you insensitively start labelling her a clean freak, let me tell you there's good reason for all that. She comes from a place where the standards of personal cleanliness are higher because they must be. Unsafe food handling and preparation by businesses from markets to groceries to restaurants put customers at risk. The detergent used to wash dishes isn't safe, dangerous chemicals are used in food production, and you can't drink water from the tap. As I said, she has good reason to be careful.

I've spent most of my life not giving a toss about these things. In Australia, which is one of the most heavily regulated nations in the world, we take it for granted that we can drink water straight from the tap. If the bag of veggies in the supermarket has a label saying 'pre washed and ready to serve', we accept that.

Since marrying my Top End Angel, I take more care. I wash apples before I eat them, I rinse all (most) of the detergent off the dishes, and I wash my hands...often. I don't do these things because I think they are necessary. They are not. However, my wife thinks they are necessary. She wants to keep herself and her loved ones safe. I could argue the point every time she tells me to wash my hands after I already washed my hands or get upset at her for getting upset with me for not washing the chicken breast before I used it to make the tacos she won't eat. I could contest everything, attempt to change her mind, and try to win every argument, but why would I do that?

We've had very few arguments in our short marriage and while that's partly due to our complementary personalities, it's also due to the fact that over the years I've learned something about arguments.

• Nobody wins arguments.
• Arguments don't get the expected results.
• Arguments expose character flaws.
• Pride is the chief cause of arguments.
• Arguments don't build strong relationships.

As a result of these lessons, I avoid arguments. Don't get me wrong though. It happens to almost everyone. None of us are perfect and there are times when we either start arguments or needlessly get involved in them, even ones which have nothing to do with us. But, what is the point?

I could argue with my wife about her over the top cleanliness, but I know she's coming from a good place. She loves me and wants to look after me. Why would I resist that? I could argue with my children, but I know they are not interested in truth or in doing what is right or sensible, so I tell them what to do. If they don't do what they're told, they know the consequences. There's no point arguing about it.

Perhaps the most dangerous thing about arguments is they cause division. This is equally true in your home as it is in the COVID world. People are arguing about the vaccinations, the lockdowns, the restrictions, but I don't get involved in those arguments. The government is coming from a good place, not trying to ruin my life or control me, but trying to keep me safe...just like my wife is trying to keep me safe at home. Some of us respond to the government, to our bosses, even to our family and friends like rebellious teenagers do to their parents.

There are and always will be people with whom I disagree, but I am not interested in having arguments with them. I'm not going to expend energy trying to change people's minds. I have friends who fervently believe COVID is a conspiracy, and that the vaccination passport is a sign of the end of the world. I've been double vaccinated, but I have friends who are refusing vaccinations on the grounds that they are potentially harmful and/or part of some sinister government plot against freedom. We can stay friends because I am not interested in having an argument. I disagree with them, but I'm not going to start a fight about it.

Whether it's a global pandemic or a family meal, I don't argue. Of course, many things need to be discussed, some of which are important, some not, but if you aren't sure of the difference between a discussion and an argument, consider the list above. Ask yourself a few questions before, during, and after the conversation. You'll figure it out.

The most important question is this: Do you want to have good, healthy relationships or do you want to be right all the time?

A Dog's Eye: The 'Rona dance

There's a particular way people move around the kitchen so as to avoid bumping into each other, thus averting spillages and other accidents, and generally respecting people's space. I call it the kitchen dance. People who live with other people get very good at it. In families and shared homes, people quickly learn the moves.

As a writer I am a keen observer of human behaviour, but lately my surreptitious surveillance has been focused on people's actions in supermarket aisles and at the checkouts. 

A new dance has now hit the polished floors of our grocery emporiums: the social distancing disco. Most people are moving differently now. Instead of excusing themselves to reach in front of someone who is standing and deciding, people now wait. And I'm one of those people. We're moving around like we think other people are infectious. Sliding, shuffling, shifting position, speeding up and slowing down to avoid possible contagion. Our assumption is that any one of our fellow shoppers carries COVID-19.

The atmosphere in the supermarket has definitely changed. It feels different. Minor changes like maintaining a safe distance when queuing and packing our own bags have been taken on board without fuss. I don't hear much complaining about the restrictions being placed on us, and that is pleasing. Generally, people seem to be growing a brain and acting quite responsibly during this pandemic.

Generally. 

I've observed it can take quite a lot of effort to change people's behaviour. Clear and consistent messaging with some penalties attached, seems to do the trick, but it can take quite some time. The best example I can think of is Random Breath Testing which was first introduced in Australia in 1976, in Victoria. In 1976 drink driving was acceptable. In 2020 it is not. In my lifetime I've witnessed this massive change in societal attitudes to what has always been a foolish and dangerous act, even before drink driving laws were codified.

In contrast to this, has been the rapid response of people to COVID-19. There was no toilet paper on the supermarket shelves for two months. Other products are still in short supply. People are not going out except to work, shop and exercise as per government instructions. We panic when someone near us coughs or sneezes. Out hands have never been cleaner. People actually practise social distancing. In the blink of an eye, society has been transformed.

And so we dance.

Yesterday it was quite crowded at Coles and I saw much less attention to social distancing. The news is of course positive for Territorians. We haven't had a new case of COVID-19 for nearly two weeks. Schools will re open for all students tomorrow and there is talk of the Northern Territory leading the way out of these strange times in which we live, by easing restrictions before any one else. From what I saw yesterday, the latest round of positive whispering has had an immediate impact on people's behaviour.

And so I watch, reminded of the words of an ancient prophet who compared people to sheep noting we have "all gone astray; each of us turned to his own way." (Isaiah 53:6)

relationDips: the eternal pantry

Food is purchased from the supermarket, brought home and stored in the fridge and the pantry. At the appropriate time that food is consumed, and will need to be replaced, if it's a staple or something you like, or substituted if it is not.

A pantry is a food cupboard, but we have other types of cupboards and storage spaces around our homes where we put things until we want to use them. We collect these things through various means, mostly our own purchases, supplemented by the presents of others. The purpose of these things is to add value to our lives, either aesthetically or practically. Essentially, because quality of life is primarily and directly connected to the quality of our relationships, these things are servants, slaves to a greater cause.

There are of course other investments we make into our relationships like time, and the greatest of all gifts; ourselves.
Just as food supplies what our bodies need, there are certain types of essential food for relationships. Love, in all its many splendid forms, care, consideration, courtesy, passion and sacrifice, is an obvious one. Love is infinite because it comes from an inexhaustible source. It's very much like the endless pack of Tim Tams where by some magical power you can keep on going to the pantry and getting more love. 

It's the same deal with patience and kindness. It even works with gratitude and passion. These priceless commodities emanate from the source of all good things: God. God is our eternal pantry, the tireless supplier of those precious things we need to keep our relationships healthy. The bottomless well of relational nutrients.

The COVID-19 pandemic has exposed many of us to empty supermarkets shelves for the first time in our lives. Our pantries are perhaps also less well stocked. These shortages have allowed the weeds of fear and anxiety to prosper as our life sustaining ability to interact with others has been curtailed and much of the fun taken out of our social lives. Whether this hurts or helps our relationships depends on us.

Many are finding pathways through the darkness because of the eternal light which illuminates the road ahead. Faith, hope and love are also flourishing as we hold on to them, and for some of us, as we hold on to their ultimate source. God promises to supply all of our needs. He never breaks his promises, which is another thing we should learn and apply to our relationships. To have happy and healthy relationships we need more of what God has to offer, and it's as easy as entering the pantry or opening a cupboard and taking it off the shelf.

A Dog's Eye: Space Invaders

It's funny you know. I didn't plan to write at all about the only thing people want to talk about. (Even if the main topic is not COVID-19, the subtext often is.) I guess the rebel in me, the one that might be condemning me to obscurity as a writer, just wanted to swim upstream.

I must be getting old and soft as I've just given in and jumped on the bandwagon. Partly, it's common sense. If I want to be in the world, why pretend that what the world cares about is a figment of overactive imagination? It's not. It would be stupid to think so. It's real and although I don't feel anxious, I acknowledge that many do. I wouldn't be a very good human if I didn't care about that. 

The other reason I'm writing about it is because it is having an impact on me. How could it not? Who hasn't been touched by what's happening? On Friday afternoon, we closed to students and will be switching to online delivery even though we, neither teachers nor students, are ready for that. As a result of the scramble to get ready, I've been employing a lot of mental energy to think of, process and implement various solutions to the myriad of problems which keep popping up. I'm not on my Pat Malone. Many people are facing exactly the same issues, or a host of different complications. Personally and professionally, COVID19's footprint is significant.

I don't recall ever spending so much time thinking about work as I have this week. I'm very good at switching off. I don't bring work home because I don't have to. I don't feel any obligation to complete work outside of the hours I'm paid for, nor to invest time and energy in solving work problems when I'm not at work. Of course, it happens sometimes, but as a rule, when I leave my office I leave my office behind.

This week has been different. I'm acutely aware I'm operating at a much higher level than normal. Those spaces reserved for non work related thinking are being invaded. Last night, I went to bed early and slept soundly. I told my wife, my brain was exhausted, but I was exaggerating...a little. If I was operating under my own strength, I wouldn't be able to maintain this intensity. However, my God is my strength and my song, and he gives me a fresh start each day. This morning I woke up good to go. Thankfully, I have two days at home before resuming the battle.

My prayer for everyone is that we become stronger through this trial. That we care more, love more and give more. That we value things we have taken for granted, and that we figure out what really matters and live out that belief instead of just paying lip service to it.

A Dog's Eye: I'm sick (of it)

Sheep are very social animals which like hanging out together and among which there is very little dominance or aggression. They run from danger (sensible) and stick together in a large tight group for protection (also good strategy). These behaviours form part of what is known as "flock mentality" or "herd mentality".

Unfortunately flock mentality is such a strong instinct that it can override good sense. When one sheep moves the rest will follow, even if it does not seem like a good idea. There is no consideration given about whether to follow or not. Sheep follow. For example, in 2006, in Eastern Turkey a sheep tried to cross a 15 metre ravine. It died in the attempt as did the 400 other members of the flock who followed it. There may not be any actual danger, but if one sheep perceives it is in trouble, it will run and the others will follow.

I now can't buy toilet paper and some other things at the supermarket. There are limits on how much of any one thing I can buy. Only government pension/concession card holders can shop between 7am and 8am in the morning. I can no longer visit the supermarket after 8pm because they close to restock for the next day of insanity. This situation used to be amusing, but now I'm starting to feel angry about it. I'm disappointed by the herd mentality shown by my fellow human beings. Aren't we smarter than sheep?

It only takes one person to spark a panic. Panic and fear are much more contagious than any virus, and equally as dangerous. I overheard a conversation between colleagues yesterday discussing how long they could survive on what food they had in their homes. People are seeing empty shelves at their local supermarket and reacting in fear; buying more than they would usually buy in case they "run out". In my home, we are about to run out of toilet paper because people are hoarding the stuff. Why? Why was toilet paper the first thing to disappear from our supermarket shelves? Why were people  fighting over toilet paper? COVID-19 is a respiratory virus with cold and flu like symptoms. Why not buy truckloads of tissues?

In my last post, which was three weeks ago, I said stories about COVID-19 dominate global news services now. Currently the situation is worse as the wave effect of the COVID-19 pandemic spreads. The economy is being smashed. Societal behaviour is being forcibly modified. Some industries are going down the toilet (and they can't buy toilet paper either). For example, Australia closed its borders to visitors from 9pm last night so there goes the tourism sector. I also said the virus will be contained. New infections will stop occurring. The death rate will slow to zero.Travel restrictions will be lifted. That hasn't happened yet. More people are becoming infected and more people are dying. However, I also said life will go on. This is not the apocalypse. It's not the end of the world. Even the actual end of the world is not really the end of the world.

The truth about COVID-19 has been discovered, and we have never been better informed about what it is and how to deal with it. Sadly though, the initial hysteria has not abated:quite the contrary in fact, and the media continues to feed this. Tabloid broadcasters encourage fear with sensationalist reporting, but there's nothing new in that, while the flock mentality sees many people behaving poorly; selfishly and irrationally. 

Until today, I have resisted writing about COVID-19 again because I didn't think there was anything worth saying. It's all been said. It's all anyone ever talks about. I don't want to talk about it, but how can you not talk about something like this? COVID-19 has exposed our weaknesses. I live in the Northern Territory where, despite the fact there are no cases of COVID-19, the same hysteria has infected us.

There are a lot of strange things happening. People aren't shaking hands. Football is being played in empty stadiums. Supermarket shelves are empty, devoid of certain products. We're all washing our hands a lot. Tomorrow my family will be watching a live streamed church service because we can't go to the actual building and meet together like we do every week. Some of what is going on is sensible and justified. Some of it is insane overreaction.

I concede the environment is weird and unsettling. I understand the concern. People worry about what will happen next. They worry about getting sick. About their loved ones getting sick. I appreciate how anxious people feel, but it's too much.

Here are some facts to finish. In Australia, as of yesterday, there were 709 confirmed cases of COVID-19 with 6 deaths. That's less than 1%. More people die in motor vehicle accidents. Last on the Australian Bureau of Statistics top 20 causes of death in Australia is melanoma which caused 2094 deaths in 2018. People are still driving, and exposing themselves to unsafe levels of sunlight.

I am not afraid. Regardless of what is happening around me, around Australia and around the world. I fear nothing because I am a sheep who follows the Good Shepherd. He knows my name. I know his voice, I listen and I trust Him.

Snake Oil: The end of the world

Speaking from within her apartment in Wuhan, a woman said she feels like it is the end of the world. She is in quarantine in a city which is the epicentre of the COVID-19 (corona virus). A city where the infection is spreading rapidly, where hospitals are full, where people are dying, where government officials are welding people's doors shut so they can't leave their apartments. This is Wuhan in Hubei Province, China where the doctor who first raised the alarm about this dangerous new virus was silenced, punished and died five weeks later. The truth about this province and the origin of the virus is as yet unknown.

Here are the latest COVID-19 Coronavirus headlines from Reuters;

- Cases exceed 3,000 in South Korea in largest outbreak outside China

- At least 85,000 global cases are confirmed

- The death toll stands at over 2,900 

- WHO warns risk of global spread ‘very high’

- Qatar, the Netherlands, Monaco, Iceland and Mexico record their first cases

-US citizens urged to avoid non-essential travel to Italy

- Italy places around 50,000 people in quarantine

                                                                                           -Schools in Japan to close amid the outbreak

According to the World Health Organisation, 95% of COVID-19 cases are in China and the majority of these are in Hubei province. That 2900 people have died is a tragedy, but did you know that around 56,000 people die from influenza or flu like illnesses each year? This isn't newsworthy because it happens every year.

The 1918 Spanish flu affected a quarter of the population of the world and killed an estimated 40 to 50 million people. It was the first occurrence of H1N1. The second was the swine flu outbreak in 2009 which the CDC estimates killed between 150,000 and 575,000 people.

Stories about COVID-19 dominate global news services now. Clearly it's a serious health issue and governments, or should I say most governments, are keeping their citizens as informed and as safe as possible. For most people, in most parts of the world there is really no cause for alarm. The virus will be contained. New infections will stop occurring. The death rate will slow to zero. The majority of ill will recover. Travel restrictions will be lifted. Face masks will be easy to purchase. Life will go on. This is not the apocalypse. It's not the end of the world. Even the actual end of the world is not really the end of the world.

Sometimes information makes us feel safe, sometimes it has the opposite effect. Truth is a casualty in times like this. With so much misinformation around. Eventually the truth about COVID-19 will be discovered, but by then the world will have moved on to its next hysteria inducing disaster story.