The Mirror: Becoming Better Men

Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse is an interesting spin on the the very popular Marvel superhero story. It explores the idea of parallel universes, each of which has its own Spiderman. The hero of our story is very briefly a second Spiderman in his universe, before stepping up into the main role and naturally, and humorously, disarming the super villain and saving the world.

This is not a blog post about the human thirst for superheroes and gods. It's very easy to understand their popularity from the standpoint of us having been created by God with a natural appetite for the spiritual world, and more specifically for Him. This post is not about the messianic overtones present in just about every action film ever because the need for a saviour, like the need for a hero, is built into us. It's not about how frequently familiar superhero characters and tropes are rehashed, reworked and represented. For, as Solomon once said, there is nothing new under the sun. This post is not even about the movie which was very funny and entertaining. It certainly is not about how the Blogger interface has been changed since last time I used it; leaving me displeased. 

This is a post about men becoming better men. 

In the film, Miles labours under the weight of expectation of his parents, particularly his father. Dislocated from his neighbourhood, his school and his friends, he feels a little lost. He feels he should try harder, do better, be better. These feelings of inadequacy are exacerbated after he is bitten by a radioactive spider, then meets Spiderman.

The desire to be better is partially inherent, and partially learned. Many factors come into play, but most men will, at some time in their lives, feel as though they are underperforming. They will know the shame of disappointing people they love. They will become ensnared by the desire to cover over what is wrong while they attempt to make it right.

Last weekend was a long weekend in Darwin. Forty two men from my church headed into the bush for men's camp. The theme of the weekend was 'becoming better men'. We ate together, watched a movie under the stars, heard some great teaching and participated in an afternoon of very challenging physical activity.

All of us want to be better men, but we are neither gods, saviours or superheroes. We are humans who acknowledge our own weaknesses, and don't pretend to be anything other than what we are. This is humility. We also recognise our strengths and find ways to use them to help other people. One of the key ideas underpinning the camp was that men who want to be better men, need other men who also want to be better men. If you lie down with dogs you get flees. Pauls puts it a little more eloquently, but no less forcefully, in his first letter to the Corinthians: 'bad company corrupts good character.'

Interestingly, the major take way for me from Superman: Into the Spiderverse was that Miles (young Hispanic Spiderman) needed the other Spiderpeople (include two females and a cartoon pig) to save the world. Spiderman is usually, a lone hero, but in this film it was very much a team effort.

I'll say it again, men who want to be better men, need to spend quality time with other men who want to be better men. This was the message of the movie and of the camp.

A Dog's Eye: Bibliophilia

Ironically, I was talking about books with too many unknown words being hard to read and therefore
not being read. In other words, some readers pick them up because they're interested in the cover, the title or maybe the blurb. Unfortunately, they usually don't continue reading for very long if they find it too hard. Lexical density is one issue, but a preponderance of complex sentences and grammatical variations used by the author for stylistic purposes can also contribute to such a book being put down by some readers. (for example: the sentence you just read.)

I've advised people, specifically non-native speakers of English and children, not to read books which are too hard in this sense. I said it was ironic because I write such books. If you are unfamiliar with my work, I mostly write neo-classical contemporary literary fiction. Damn! I did it again. What is neo-classical contemporary fiction? The answer to that question is not important.* I've made my point sufficiently well in these first two paragraphs to change tact.

This change of tact (or is it tack?) is made possible because I can write. I can change literary gears as easily as breathing. I can choose common words just as easily as rare ones. I can write simple, compound or complex sentences, and blend them perfectly. I can choose formal or informal language, I can say the same thing in a number of different ways, and I'm wickedly adept at metaphor. This isn't boasting. I'm not blowing my own trumpet. Most writers can do exactly what I do and many can do it way better than me.

Anyway, this post was intended to be a long overdue update on my writing. Love Sick Love was published in 2017. In my mind it stands head and shoulders above all my other novels, but a new book is overdue. I always intended to release a book a year; one every two years at most. I'm happy to report the wait is nearly over. Scorpion's Breath is scheduled for release by Rogue Phoenix Press in December. It is the first book in a planned trilogy called the Callumron series. Book Two, titled The Sorcerer's Tusk, is under construction and will hopefully be released next year; to be followed in 2022 by Book Three: Satan's Choppers. At some point over the next couple of years I will begin work on the first draft of my most ambitious novel to date. I love historical fiction, but I've never written an historical fiction novel, so I'm going to do it. The working title for this book, which will be set on the Australian Goldfields during the rush of the early to mid 1850's, is Holy Ground.

In the meantime, during my house sitting days, I wrote a non fiction manuscript called I Used to be an Animal Lover which has the awesome subtitle: a superficial and unscientific zoological memoir. Sadly, I haven't been able to find a publisher for this manuscript. I suspect it is due to the original presentation which was a 100K word multi genre experiment. Feedback from beta readers and editors who have provided sample edits for me in the hopes of securing the gig, suggest it doesn't work in that format. I Used to be an Animal Lover version 2 is now two books. One a memoir and the other an anthology of short fiction. I have enough information and confidence to do what I said I never would. I have just about lined up all my ducks; editor, cover artist and book producer. I'm almost ready to self publish.

There's just one problem. I don't have any money.

However, this is only a problem of perspective. If I don't have the money to publish I Used to be an Animal Lover now, then so be it. If I am never able to do it, so be it. I'll keep writing, and whether I can publish or get published, or once published sell any books, it's okay. It's not the end of the world. I feel okay. I feel safe, and I feel content enough to not be driven mad by the inevitable frustration which results for people who want everything they want...and right now please. Patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I'm finding the more I relax inside God's providence, the less I struggle and the more I accept what I cannot change, the more peaceful I feel, and the more patient I become.

Lastly, I recently sold my short story, A Place of Refuge, for the fourth time. Guess what I did with the money I earned? I bought some books, and some clothes-but who cares about clothes? The books I purchased have been on my Goodreads 'to read' list for quite some time, so I'm very much looking forward to reading them, reviewing them and replacing them on the list with new books of interest.

Where would I be without reading and writing? In a darker, less interesting, less inspiring place where ignorance usurps enlightenment. A place where imagination, creativity, knowledge and wisdom are buried beneath mediocrity, apathy and blindness. A place such as described by Bradbury in his famous 1953 dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451 in which bibilophilia is considered a disease. The owning and reading of books is a threat to society, resulting in the seizure and burning of books .

Thankfully, I don't live in such a place. I am free to enjoy reading and writing whatever I want, whenever I want. Thank God for that. What are you reading or writing? What would you like to read or write?

A Dog'e Eye: Facing the Flab

Have you ever looked in the mirror and been forced to shake your head at what you see? Have you ever seen a photo of yourself which you would describe at best as unflattering or at worst horrific? Even traumatizing? Have you had so many ideas flooding your mind you thought you would drown? Have you ever read a blog post with four consecutive questions in the first paragraph?

If you answered yes to at least one of the above questions, then I've found you. You are the person I'm writing to; my target readership. Come in please. Sit down and relax. Would you like a drink? Let's talk about us. Let's chat at length about how we are the same, how we relate. Let's marvel at the way my words express your thoughts and emotions. It's almost as though I can read your mind. You're amazed aren't you? I'm chuffed, seriously. Thank you for saying that. Let me prepare a nutritious snack for you. Would you like a refill on that drink?

I've been self conscious for as long as I've been conscious of consciousness. It started in my teens naturally, as it does for many people when puberty causes strange physical developments and emotional turbulence. I was awkward, gangly, pimply; self conscious but not excessively. I'm less self conscious now, but sometimes, I still care. I still suffer the delusion that other people are watching me, interested in what I'm doing and what I'm wearing.

The mirror is not helping me out much these days. I had to concede last week that I had developed a gut. Photos from a recent day trip to a beautiful natural swimming hole in Litchfield National park confirmed the gut. I can no longer deny it. I simply need to work out how to wear it well. It's not like I'm the only 50 something bloke with a gut, right?

Many ideas for stories, books and marketing of books fill my mind, but I find it hard to make time now. I could, but I acquiesce to circumstances, scribbling the ideas on scraps of paper in the hopes of one day being able to develop them. Before I can give my all to one idea, others invade the space, further diluting my efforts. I only feel occasional anxiety about these things now. My life has changed and is changing. I feel much more relaxed about timing. I feel much more confident that as long as I continue to seek God and praise him, I will always be doing the right thing in the right place, even if that means needing bigger pants and more scraps of paper.

Thinking less about myself and what I want to do seems like a good path to follow. Being patient, grateful and less superficial are all good things so I reckon 'she'll be right mate'. In other words everything will be okay. I'll keep writing in the hopes of connecting with you.

A Dog's Eye: The Good People

Jack Johnson sat on a beach (presumably), strummed his guitar, while singing Good People and asking where they'd all gone. In Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards! the Patrician, speaking to Sergeant Vimes, says "I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people.You're wrong of course. There are, always and only, the bad people." No doubt, he would have repeated those exact words to Jack to correct him of the erroneous belief there are any good people.

There are good people, right? You think you're a good person, and you think your friends are good people. That adjective even applies to some of your family members.  But what happens when the same person is described as 'good' by one person, but 'bad' by another person? Who's right? The fact good people sometimes do bad things is also problematic. The inverse is also true; most bad people are capable of good deeds. It starts to get very messy when you think along these lines, and the only solution, which is to find an objective measurement of goodness, is even more difficult to swallow.

Jack Johnson laments the dearth of good people, suggesting, somewhat naively or perhaps idealistically, that there used to be more of them. The Patrician, on the other hand, doesn't believe there are any good people. Is this simply a difference of opinion, or can we determine who is wrong and who is right? Country singer Luke Bryan wrote a song called Most People are Good and despite being quite a sappy tune, I think it represents the majority view. However, the majority view and the right view are not always the same thing.

When the question is 'is so and so a good person?', a much more realistic response is 'it depends'. A person's goodness is demonstrated by what they do, and to a lesser extent by what they say. We can only judge this goodness through our direct experience or the experience of others. Naturally, these views are coloured. They are not even remotely objective. Assuming we think it is necessary to have one, does an objective measurement of goodness exist?

Jesus was often tested by the religious people of his time, who wanted to justify their own behaviour by tricking him into supporting what they did and said. Jesus famously called these people whitewashed walls and hypocrites, among other things. On one occasion, a young lawyer came to ask Jesus a question. He began by addressing Jesus as Good Teacher. I'm sure he only meant to be polite and respectful (Luke Bryan's defence), but Jesus seized on the opportunity to teach the man, and everyone listening, a very important lesson. Jesus replied,'Why do you call me good? God alone is good.' (Mark 10:18)

In his letter to the Romans, Paul quotes one of the ancient prophets when he says 'there is no one righteous, not even one...there is no one who does good, not even one.' (Romans 3:10-12)

God alone is good. Compared to him, everyone is bad. Many people don't like this. They don't accept it. It's too unpalatable and it's based on a fairy tale. That's fine. I'm not telling you what to believe, but accepting it does provide a realistic framework within which to view and understand the world we live in. As far as popular culture's opinion of human nature goes, it seems Pratchett's Patrician is closest to the mark. In such a world full of bad people, accepting there is a God and that he is good offers real hope; life sustaining hope.The Patrician forgot to mention that.

RelationDips: peanut butter and jelly

On a recent edition of the hugely successfully, internationally syndicated radio show, Over the Fence with Trev and Dave,  I had to fly solo, so I chose to honour my missing radio partner by examining lists of top male duos.

To my surprise, or perhaps complete bewilderment would be a more accurate term, two food duos appeared in the first list I found. Whilst, I can't dispute that peanut butter and jelly (what we call 'jam' in Australia), and burger and fries are excellent food pairings, I was perplexed as to how they made it on to a list of male duos. I'm pretty sure food is asexual, or gender neutral or whatever. Clearly food is even more important than male duos.

The inexplicable listing of peanut butter and jelly, and burger and fries on a  list of top male duos, did, however, get me thinking about food combinations and relationships. There's a sweet and savoury thing going on with many food pairings. There's a sense of complementary tastes and sometimes textures which make these combinations work for some people. I must emphasize some people, because not every thinks cheese and Vegemite is a good match up...for example. In fact, this might not be anywhere near as delicious or as popular as Vegemite and cheese fans make out.

People often say they don't like certain foods or particular combinations of foods. Excluding people who have not even tried the thing they say they don't like, people who say they don't like certain foods often have a hard time saying why. They might use terms like it's too sweet, which makes sense if the person is not a sweet eater, but is baffling if they are. I do this. When offered a Vietnamese style sweet, lovingly prepared by my wife, I rejected it on the basis the taste was too sweet. (I did have an issue with the texture as well, but that wasn't the main issue.) I love sweets, yet I rejected the sweet my wife made because it was too sweet.

Time to get to the bottom of the margarine tub. What am I talking about here?

1. Saying you don't like food you haven't tried, is the same as judging a book by its cover. In other words, we avoid getting to know some people based on very superficial opinions which may be quite misleading. Relationships of value are deep wells, not footpath puddles.
2. Saying we don't like a food because it is too sweet, too sour, too salty or whatever when we generally love that kind of food reflects the conflictedness** of our inner natures, which in turn we carry into relationships, with predictable results. Relationships of value recognize, accept and deal with conflict in the kitchen and on the dining table.
3. Saying a particular food combination is wrong because we think it's a horrible, unnatural confluence of foods is like saying people who aren't alike, shouldn't be together. Or worse, people who don't look right together, don't belong together. Relationships of value are always, in some significant sense, complementary.

Most people not only need food, but love it. Likewise, relationships provide sustenance for our souls, and a huge amount of pleasure when they are healthy. Whether other people can see it or not, there is only one valid question about the relationship, irrespective of what it looks like (or tastes like -that sounds a bit odd). Does this relationship bring out the best in both people? To put it another way, is this relationship a blessing to those in it and those around it?

How would you describe your most significant relationships in food terms? Peanut butter and jelly? Beer and prawns? Ice cream and hot apple pie? Please don't say Vegemite and cheese.

*Over the Fence with Trev and Dave is on Darwin's 97.7FM, Monday nights from 7-9pm.

**conflictedness is not a word according to the spellchecker, but I dispute that.

The Mirror: Wonder

Great movies sometimes appear from nowhere. You never hear anything about them before they are released, when they are released or after they are released...nothing; until you notice it among the many films to chose from on Netflix. You're looking for a family friendly film for Saturday night at the movies and there it is.

Starring Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson who are both perfectly cast, Wonder is the story of a boy who has a misshapen face courtesy of countless surgeries to help him survive the consequences of a rare genetic disease. Auggie is home schooled until it's time for him to start middle school, and his parents decided he should join the 'mainstream.' It's not an original story. Mask comes to mind instantly, but there are many stories of children and adults with deformities and/or disabilities who have to overcome fear and prejudice as they attempt to live normal lives. Wonder, in my opinion, stands out from the crowd.

"You can't blend in when you were born to stand out."

(Via's words of encouragement to her brother, Auggie.)

Beautifully written and acted, Wonder was a moving and inspirational film experience for all of us. We laughed. We cried. We raged at injustice. We rejoiced with acts of bravery and kindness. When so many films celebrate darker, nasty aspects of human nature and behaviour, Wonder shone the spotlight on what is great, what is excellent and praiseworthy.

I particularly enjoyed the way characters loved with actions. In fact, for Auggie's friend Jack, and Auggie's sister's friend, they chose to demonstrate they they were sorry for what they had done, and that they loved and cared about their friends, by doing something. Beyond words they demonstrated love. It was very powerful.

They were too may great lines in the film to list them all, but here's a couple that stuck in my mind. Auggie's dad tells him that when he was wearing his mask all the time, he missed seeing his face. His says, "I missed that face. That's the face of my son. I love that face. I want to see that face." Auggie's mum tells him he's not ugly, he's beautiful. Auggie complains that she is only saying that because she is his mother. "So because I'm your mother, my opinion doesn't count? she says. "Right," says Auggie. She counters, "It's because I'm your mother, my opinion counts the most."

I highly recommend Wonder as a film which celebrates goodness, kindness and bravery. I dare you to watch it and not be moved, deeply moved.

A Dog's Eye: Twenty five...too easy

Social media trends come and go in whirlwinds of popularity bandwagons. Somebody films themselves doing something, calls it a challenge, attaches the deed to a cause and posts it on one or more social media platforms, running it up the proverbial flagpole to see who salutes. The sought after salute in this case, is for the viewer to:

1. Like the video and share it.
2. Film themselves doing the challenge and share it.
3. Nominate another person to do it.
4. Make a donation to the cause.

In July and August of 2014, the Ice Bucket Challenge went viral in support of Motor Neurone Disease. It is now officially an annual event, but subsequent incarnations have not matched the phenomenal $220 million (estimated) raised with the initial Ice Bucket Challenge which simply involved having a bucket of ice water dumped over the head of the participant.

The No Make-up Selfie Craze was attached to the cause of cancer awareness by Fiona Cunningham in 2014. More recently, a men's mental health challenge, of unknown origin, involving raw eggs, sugar, salt and beer has attracted some criticism because of the relationship between mental health issues and alcoholism.These are just a few examples.

There has been a flood of challenges in 2020, most of which are not attached to causes, but are simply one solution to filling the amusement vacuum created by the COVID-19 lockdown. You can read about this trend here. 

The push up challenge is one I am participating in courtesy of being nominated by my friend and Over the Fence co host, Trevor. I even filmed one of my sets in the studio. I've noticed a couple of my other Facebook friends are also doing the challenge which involves doing 25 push ups everyday for 25 days. I've been mixing up the locations a little for interest and also lately adding some push up variations. Suicide prevention and mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and PTSD are the targets of this campaign and the reason why Trev and I are involved is because it's right in the pocket in terms of one of the major themes on our radio show

which is health. Over the Fence is a radio program for men on Darwin's 97.7FM: our tag is "talking about stuff that matters to men". We strongly encourage men to talk about their problems, so we see the push up challenge as a natural extension of this. We are also Movember activists.

As I write this, I have completed 18 days of the challenge, albeit it with a forced break in the middle due to illness. Although for me, it hasn't gained the traction I hoped, I have enjoyed doing my bit whilst keeping fit. If you get nominated, can I encourage you to go for it, or even just kick it off yourself.