new short story collection. Out now!

Friday, March 2, 2012

A Thing for Firemen

Former Australian Idol contestant, Paulini has released a new single called Fireman. I saw the video for it for the first time this morning on Rage while I was running on the cross-trainer. The song is about Paulini being hot and needing a fireman to cool her down. Very original. The clip features gym toned topless male dancers dancing and displaying their abs while wearing fireman pants. Paulini pouts, and touches herself and gyrates, as you do, while mouthing the very profound lyrics to the duff duff beat. I watched the whole video because, although I don't have a thing for firemen, Paulini looked good and she sounded good, and as far as dance pop songs go, it was pretty good.

I was thus inspired to write a philosophical treatise on fire; a discussion of the amorality of fire, and the various uses and misuses of it by humans and nature. I felt like waxing lyrical about the fearful and destructive power of fire, and how it both fascinates us and sometimes frightens us...but then I decided that I just wanted to mock women (and men) who have a thing for firemen.

"He's a fireman"...titter titter. "Ooh, look at his abs." "He can put his boots under my bed." "I hope he has a licence for those guns." "Wow, he's so handsome." "Come and rescue me big boy"...tee hee. Sorry, I have to run away and throw up now. Aren't you women embarrassed to talk like that? To gush and drool and giggle like school girls over some ridiculous fantasy of a hot fireman? If you've ever made one of the above statements about this allegedly sexy species known as firemen, or even if you've ever laughed along and blushed with your girls as you ogled the models in the firemen calendar, you should be ashamed of yourself. As Derryn Hinch used to say, "shame, shame, shame!"

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